"They're revoking your scholarship."
Asher stared dumbly at Rachel as she held the letter.
Rachel glanced over the paper at Asher from where she leaned on his desk. "Asher? Did you hear me?"
He sat, unable to say anything. This was it. He couldn't afford NYU without the scholarship. His parents certainly didn't have the money. And whatever they did have should be saved for Chava when it was her turn. She was so smart, she deserved this so much more than he did.
Rachel crossed the small room and put one hand on Asher's shoulder. "Are you okay, Asher?" She spoke slowly, like she wasn't sure he was listening. She was mostly right.
Asher's ears were ringing, and his stomach had twisted into a knot. How could he have been so stupid? Kyle had obviously been baiting him. It, of course, didn't go the way he had planned, but Asher shouldn't have given in.
Rachel frowned at his lack of response. "I'll be right back," she informed him, and stepped outside into the hall. Asher could faintly hear her speaking on her cell phone, but the words sounded like gibberish. She returned into the dorm after a minute. "Asher?" Rachel stepped forward slowly, approaching him like an injured puppy. He hated sympathy. "Let's go for a drive, okay?" She took his arm gently, leading him to stand and pulling him outside.
Asher followed without resisting. He stumbled behind Rachel until they made it to The Stepfather. Instead of sitting in the passenger seat, Asher opened the door to the back and laid down on the seat face-first. The upholstery smelled like cigarettes and old beer. It made him want to gag, but he did nothing.
The car rumbled to life and pulled away. Asher stayed face-down for the entirety of the drive. He had no idea how long they were traveling.
The Stepfather pulled to a stop some time later. Rachel leaned over the seat. "Don't go anywhere." She disappeared out the car door, and was gone only for a few minutes. Asher could hear her voice as she approached the car again. "He won't say anything, I've never seen him like this, I didn't know what to do."
"You made the right call," another voice said. It sounded like Lauren.
Someone opened the door closest to his head. "Hey, Asherleh," his sister said softly. "Wanna come upstairs with us?"
Asher said nothing again, but heaved himself up off the disgusting seat and crawled out of the back. Rachel took his hand and led him up after Lauren into her apartment. He stumbled on the steps a few times, unable to lift his feet high enough to prevent them from dragging. It felt like his body weighed double, like each muscle was made of lead. It was so much work to make it up all three flights of stairs, he wanted to collapse when they finally made it to her door.
Lauren unlocked the apartment and opened the door for Asher and Rachel. He stepped into the apartment and flopped onto Lauren's black couch, staring straight ahead at her tv. It was off.
Rachel and Lauren exchanged a look of concern. "I'll make some tea," Lauren said worriedly.
Rachel sat next to Asher, and took his hand again. She rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand soothingly, avoiding the cuts and bruises on his knuckles.
Lauren emerged from the kitchen shortly with a giant steaming mug. She set it on the coffee table in front of Asher, and took a seat across the living room in an armchair. "Drink that, it'll help," she told him as she sat. Asher didn't move.
The mug smelled awful, even worse than the seats of The Stepfather. It was probably one of her new-age concoctions. She was probably right, it would almost certainly help, but Asher couldn't make his hand move to grab the mug.
Rachel dipped her head down, trying to catch his gaze. "Do you want me to call Liam?"
Panic struck Asher like a bolt of lightning. "No," he said quickly, speaking for the first time in nearly an hour. How would he tell Liam his scholarship was dropped because he got in a fight? A fight he had started because Kyle threatened Liam? No, he couldn't know that part. Asher couldn't let Liam feel guilty for this.
Relief washed over Rachel's face. "Thank god, you're still in there." She sat back against the back of the couch, visibly relaxing. She punched his shoulder lightly. "Don't ever do that again."
Lauren leaned forward in her chair. "What happened, Asher?"
Asher buried his face in his hands. "I did something really stupid."
She said nothing, giving him room to speak when he was ready.
He sighed. "There's this asshole on the team, Kyle. I was practicing late and he and his goons showed up, trying to pick a fight. He said they saw me coming out of The Den, they knew about Liam." He winced internally as he heard Kyle's words echo in his mind. "He called me a kike and a fag," he added quietly. The words tasted horrible on his tongue.
Lauren gasped. "He what?"
Asher looked up at his sister. "I told the dean I started it."
Rachel sat up, staring at Asher. "Why did you say that?" she demanded.
Asher shrugged miserably, putting his head in his hands again. "He kind of threatened Liam. I just lost it, I don't even know what happened. One second he's pushing my buttons and the next his nose is broken." Images of Kyle's bloody face, nose crooked and teeth missing, flashed through his head. He wondered if he would ever forget what that looked like. Or if he would ever forgive himself.
Lauren stood, shaking her head. "Asher, if he threatened Liam, you have to tell them that!"
Asher scowled. "Fuck no I don't. Do you really think they'd let me play again anyway? Kyle's going to tell everyone what happened. No one will sign a fag to play baseball, Lauren. I'm fucked. It's over." He stood and crossed to the window, arms folded. He suddenly wanted to be anywhere but here. A lecture was the last thing he wanted. He had made his decision.
He sighed after a moment, and glanced over his shoulder at his sister. "Sorry, I know you hate that word."
Lauren moved to stand next to him. "What are you gonna tell Ma?"
Asher shrugged. "That I got caught fighting, I guess." He sighed and dropped his head against the glass. "She's gonna kill me."
Rachel nodded in agreement.
"God, I don't want to move back in with them," Asher moped.
Lauren sighed, glancing around her living room. "Stay here."
Asher scoffed. "You don't want that."
She set her hand on his shoulder. "No, I don't," she said honestly. "But I don't want you living with Ma and Pops either." She bumped her hip into his. "You're no good to me if you blow your brains out," she added jokingly.
"I might do that anyway," Asher mumbled darkly.
Lauren flicked him in the ear. "You're gonna be fine."
Asher suddenly realized he now had no source of income. He had been working maintenance for the university, but that was surely now off the table. "Shit."
"What?" Rachel asked from the couch nervously.
Asher pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm unemployed now too."
Lauren and Rachel stayed quiet for a moment in thought. It was Lauren who spoke first. "We need an intern in my office. I'll put in a good word for you."
Asher looked at Lauren. "Are you sure?"
She nodded. "Yeah, we'll make you a resume tonight and I'll bring it in with me tomorrow."
Asher pulled his sister into a bone-crushing hug. "Thank you, Lauren," he mumbled into her hair.
Lauren laughed and pushed him away gently. "Sappy bastard."
