Asher's leg would not stop bouncing. The closer the cab got to his parents' building, the worse it got. As they rounded the final block, Asif reached out and gently set his hand on Asher's knee. Asher looked over nervously, his eyebrows knitted tightly together.
"It's going to be alright, ya hayati," Asif offered softly.
Asher looked out the window without replying. He felt sick.
The cab pulled over and Asher opened the door only to stumble out, catching his foot on the curb. Asif joined him on the sidewalk after a moment. With a small smile he gave Asher's hand a quick squeeze.
Asher nodded and did his best to steel himself. It felt like he could vomit at any moment. They walked up two floors of apartment steps in silence. Asher's hand shook when he reached for the apartment door. He took a deep breath in, and turned the handle.
The first thing that hit him was the smell, familiar and comfortable. It was his safta's chicken soup, the perfume his mother has worn since before he was born, the pipe tobacco his father smoked. His heart ached for all the time he had spent avoiding home.
The second thing that hit him was more literal. His youngest sister slammed into him, nearly sending them both into the apartment hall. "Ma, Asher is here!" she called into the apartment behind her, before her eyes settled on the man standing behind Asher. She let go of Asher's shoulders and gave him an embarrassed smile. "Sorry, I didn't know Asher was bringing a friend!" She immediately dove into conversation, chattering at Asif about nothing.
Asher stepped past Chava into the small apartment. His father hugged him on his way from the kitchen table to his usual recliner. Once his father let go, he moved into the kitchen where his mother was tending to several pans on the small stove. He hugged her tightly, trying to focus on this moment. It was impossible to shake the fear that this would be the last time he would hug his mother. He pulled her closer and squeezed his eyes shut.
"Asherleh, you're crushing me," his mother tutted with a laugh.
He dropped his arms and took a step back with a bashful smile. "Sorry, Ma."
Asif took a tentative step into the room, looking to Asher. It was time.
Asher took a deep breath and moved to stand next to Asif. "I, uh-" he faltered. He had tried to plan what to say during the entire cab ride to no avail. "This is Asif. He's-" Asher felt the words catch in his throat. He coughed painfully. "He's my boyfriend."
The silence that fell was painful. After a few seconds, one of the pans on the stove boiled over. Ruth gasped at the hiss of liquid on the burner, whirling around and turning the temperature down. She flipped the dial down and turned back to Asher. "Your what?" she asked loudly.
"His boyfriend, Ruth!" Leo shouted from the other room.
"I heard him, Leo!" she yelled back from the kitchen.
Leo stood from his armchair. "Well why did you ask then!"
Ruth stormed past Asher into the living room, waving her hands in the air. "I wasn't talking to you, Leo!" she shouted in his direction.
Leo approached Ruth, and they began to bicker loudly about Asher as if he weren't standing three feet away.
Asher wanted to dissolve into the floorboards. He squeezed his eyes shut, praying he would open them and find himself suddenly transported anywhere else. He opened his eyes and looked over to see his little sister staring at him. The look on her face was one Asher hadn't seen many times. It was difficult to place.
"You're gay?" she asked quietly.
Asher moved to step towards her, but she responded with two steps backward. She had never done that before.
Tears were welling in Chava's eyes now, and it squeezed at Asher's heart like a vice. Her brows pinched together, eyes wide. Asher knew the look on her face now. It was betrayal.
"Chaveleh-" Asher pleaded, trying to move closer again.
She ducked around him and moved across the living room, past their parents. Their bickering stopped, realizing the scene going on around them.
Her face was colder now. "Don't call me that," she whispered.
Ruth turned to her daughter and put a comforting hand on her arm. "Chava, metuka-"
Chava threw her mother's hand away in disgust. "It's wrong, ma!" Her eyes narrowed as she looked at Asher. "It's a sin."
It sounded like his father started talking, but Asher didn't hear what he said. He turned and rushed out the front door, not stopping to shut it behind him. Hurrying down the stairs, he almost tripped twice before bursting through the door to the street. His shoulder fell against the brick of the building and he doubled over, heaving. Nothing came up, but his body would not stop convulsing.
After an amount of time that was impossible to guess, Asher felt a warm hand on his back. Asif knelt down to his knees to meet Asher's doubled-over height. "I'm proud of you, ya hayati."
Asher laughed wryly. He wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and looked down at Asif. "Can we go home now?" he asked weakly.
Asif helped his boyfriend stand, wrapping a protective arm around his waist. "I already called a cab."
