Winter Queen (Roger Taylor fanfic)

34. ...it really was in NYC

Josie felt the same way about Queen's tourbus, as she did about their plane. On three sides in the back was a couch, that could be unfolded to a bed comfortable enough for two people. Then they were two couches with two seats on the sides and small seating.

But as soon as they got comfortable, they had to get off in Kiel, checked in the hotel, ate their lunch and went the concert hall.

Josie enjoyed the show again, it could never get old. She watched Roger, deep in her thoughts, she couldn't quite understand what was going on. She promised herself to talk to him soon, but didn't really believe that promise.

Jim really was experienced band manager. They had to travel to Bremen tomorrow, but had a day off, so Jim didn't care if they spend it in beds or walking around the city. Generally he tried to keep them in some regime, but he knew them and knew there's no point in lecturing them at the beginning of tour, they always calmed themselves after first two weeks. So when he booked the tour, he left every third day free.

Josie sat by the bar with Brian and talked, when her eyes flew over the crowd and automatically caught Roger, in the middle of a passionate kiss with an unknown girl.

It was like a hammer blow into her head. There was the Christmas gift, the New Year's Eve dance, hundreds of tiny gestures since they were on tour, the drumming lesson, the scene in her bedroom yesterday, but now she felt like she saw something in nothing. She couldn't believe it all had no meaning.

Brian noticed something was wrong and looked the way she did.

"You alright?" he asked and laid his hand on hers.

"What was I thinking?" Josie asked him.

"What were you thinking?"

"That he cares." she said.

"Of course he cares about you. He never ever treated a girl the way he treats you."

"So what is he doing now?" She went sick, when she saw the girl put her hand to his crotch.

"Josie, he's single. You're taken."

"Sorry, Bri, I can't watch this. You're right, but I can't. I'm gonna go to the hotel."

"Do you want taxi or should I walk you?"

"No, I'll be there in five minutes. See you at breakfast." She slipped down from the stool and went to pick up her coat. She look at herself in the mirror and tried to find something in her own eyes, some answer, truth or maybe a solution. Then she just adjusted her hair with automatic moves and headed outside.

"Where are you going?" She heard Roger's voice behind her.

"To the hotel. I told Brian." She turned around, he already wore his jacket with fur collar.

"I'll walk you."

"You don't have to, you obviously were in the middle of something." She couldn't help herself to keep her mouth shut. He said nothing and held the door. It indeed took barely five minutes to get to the hotel, the cold kept them going fast.

"Do you mind?" Roger asked, when they stood in front of the girls room.

"It's none of my business." Josie replied.

"You're right, but I didn't ask about that."

She breathed out angrily.

"You can sleep with whomever you want to." She opened the door to the room.

"Well, true again, but I didn't ask about that neither."

"What do you want to hear, Rog? That I mind, when some strange girl crawls over you? Okay, I do mind, I don't really enjoy watching that, it indeed is not easy for me and I did thought we have something more!"

"And what do we have exactly?" Roger snapped.

"Nothing." she waved her hand.

"Exactly, we have nothing! You may have the ambassador and you may have something with him, but us, you and I? We have nothing. You have the ambassador. I have not."

"How can you say nothing!" she shouted at him. "How can you call everything nothing! You stay overnight in the hospital with girls you have nothing with? You give them Christmas presents, you make scenes in their bedroom in the middle of the night, because you are worried about them?"

"And what should it mean according to you? You have the ambassador!"

"And you have a girl on each knee!" she spat out. Then she waved her arms, tourned around and went to the room. He went after her and closed the door behind them.

"Where were you?" He asked.

"What?"

"When you saw us play for the first time, where it was?" His voice was steady, didn't allow her not to answer. She took a deep breath.

"New York. February the fifth, 1977."

"Why didn't you come to see me?"

"Because when I did, you had two girls on you and obviously no time for me!" she shouted and her eyes filled with tears.

"I waited, I looked for you before, during and after the show. I thought you didn't want to come."

For the first time in two years, she realized she broke his heart just a few minutes before he broke hers.

"I wanted to surprise you."

They stood there, both had no idea what to say next. They thought about the night, the last two years of their lives, what they could had done differently, about all the things they said, when they thought the other threw away, what they had.

Her head was spinning from all the thoughts, when Roger made a few long steps and kissed her.

"Forgive me, I apologize." he whispered to her lips between their kisses. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I'm sorry." she mumbled. He hugged her around her waist, took a few steps back to couch, sat down and she sat on his lap astride. His lips tasted just the way she remembered, though she thought she forgot. He clenched her hips.

Suddenly Mary entered the room. They looked at her, without bothering to pull away from each other properly.

"Brian said.. I wanted to... Well, but you look quite alright, so I'm gonna head of. Or maybe just run over to my bedroom, because I have no other place to go to. And just to remind you, Roger has his own room, you won't be disturbed there and I'd really appreciate it." Mary said, literally ran through the room to her bedroom and closed the door. Josie looked back to Roger's face.

"For two years, I felt like my life will never make sense again."

"I couldn't understand how we could lost it."

He pulled her to his lips again, but she got up after a short kiss.

"Hey!" he moaned and she smiled apologeticly.

"I need to fix it, Rog."

"Of course you do, so come back." he grinned and tapped his thighs.

"No, I mean my... situation."

He nodded, but from his point of view, it was just a formality, that could be handled anytime. But he got up to went to his room.

"Just asking.. when?"

"First thing in the morning." she promised.

"Well, then it's a good thing we have a day off tomorrow." Roger smirked nad left. Josie immediately ran to Mary's room to tell her everything and later fell asleep with the biggest smile on her face.