The Summer of '93

Have car, will travel

Time of year wise, it felt like it was all downhill from here! The weather was cooler and everyone was getting ready for Christmas. I wished it was Summer again. It was time to book the Christmas holidays. It would be Christmas before I knew it. Weeks had gone by so quickly.

I was missing him. Yes I found Ali physically attractive but I continued to have a worrying and niggling thought about his lifestyle. But his photos were something to lust over. Yes I was in lust. 

My mind kept going over seeing him again. I imagined clasping him close to me, kissing his face, running my hand through his hair. I longed to peel off his clothes and  have him close. I wanted to snuggle into him and watch him sleeping. 

Well as the days continued, nothing changed. I would sit and fantasised about him and I kept replaying the memories of our time together. I was, in my mind's eye, thinking back to when we relaxed on Iona beach. It didn't matter what I did. It was only a temporary relief. I enjoyed his humour and right now had a yearning to be close to him. I enjoyed rereading his letters. He would have received mine by now. Things had gone up a notch for me. I found me missing him more and more.  I was really hoping to receive some correspondence from him and I was expecting a postcard. I wished he could speak online. At least I could have talked to him rather than waiting for a written letter. That said his letters did arrive quickly. I could also write for free by just picking up a bundle of bluies from the post office. I was going through a stage of thinking a lot about him. It wasn't long before the travelling was to start again and this time it was Wales. I knew it would be a gruelling marathon and I knew time would go slowly.

I just felt like remaining in my bed and I relaxed, I listened to Peter Gabriel and read my book, trying to focus on something else. Mum wanted to go into town. As usual it was always late in the day when Mum decided to do something with her day. How she managed to pick a fight with me out of nothing is beyond me. I did some painting and drawing. I'm not so worried about this weekend flying. Ali will soon be back.

It was so cold – Winter had definitely arrived. I loathed this time of year. There's nothing to look forward to except dark nights and wet, cold days. Looking back I probably didn't appreciate that I had everything to look forward to. I'd worked hard, had got a job quite quickly and was forging a nice little career. Being in the office was quite tedious because it was all administration and I liked being on the road because I was to an extent, my own boss. I enjoyed walking around new places in the evening – Oxford being my favourite. The driving was very tiring and the extra hours that the travelled to my week was a bind. However after leaving work I got home and he rang. I was so happy to hear from Ali. The other bonus was that the clocks went back this weekend so it was possible to enjoy an extra hour with him. 

I had been in my job now for two years and I was thinking about leaving Leeds. I wanted to see what other opportunities there were for me. I was considering moving to either Oxford or Edinburgh and I could have quite happily moved to a job at trading standards. 

At that time living at home was a bit of a pain; by the time I had got into my twenties I didn't want to be told how to live my life, to be home by 11:30pm and I wanted a bit of freedom. I worked so hard and whilst I loved seeing lots of different places and people, I did feel like life was all about work. The separation thing was frustrating too. I just wanted a normal pattern – friends saw their boyfriends regularly in their locality. Whereas me, I had to make things difficult for myself. I just wanted simplicity and a bit of money in the bank. By now Ali and I had known each other seven months.

I sat and relaxed watching Terminator; it wasn't the sort of film I could watch with Mum! It wasn't my first choice but it was surprisingly engaging. 

I tidied my room and packed. I left at 07:45. Unfortunately on the way there were disruptive road works. I missed the M56 junction because of the temporary diversion and was subsequently in the wrong lane. I needed the Caernarfon junction but end up 18 miles away near Snowdon. I couldn't have been far from Rhys' house.