Solby// Revenge Beauty

Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a boy, and his laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
~Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

Sam's POV

Love always appears in unexpected places, like a magic spell, it materializes in that person you met once at a party and whose face seemed cute to you, or perhaps in the person you have been following on the Internet, whom you never spoke to because the idea of ​​holding their hand was unreal, or in the person that likes to sit in the back of the bus, or in the friend of your best friend, or in your best friend.

Once upon a time I also fell in love with my best friend, I also loved for the first time, I cried for the first time, I felt afraid of wanting the wrong person for the first time, and as it happens in all the first times, I felt alone, disoriented, always acting from suspicion and intuition but at the same time I felt intoxicated with sensitive senses, with desire tattooed on my skin and a saturated heart full of certainties.

So...that was love?  That fear, that nausea, all that life, all that abundance, all that possibility of playing with the infinite between your fingers. I felt gray clouds in my throat, I wanted to dream again, and like a teenage girl write his name 20 times in a notebook. I wish I could travel back in time to the past and stop being that teenager who looked at his best friend's lips during high school recess and become the teenager who spent all his recess telling his best friend that he loved him and that it was not a bad thing, that there is no deeper bond than the one that is formed between two men and even more between two best friends, that sometimes love is directed to another body and that it is okay for that body to resemble mine.

I fell in love and fell in love so hard that I see the people around me and I do them the favor of wishing them that one day they can feel what I feel. Maybe the world would be a better place if everyone could feel at least a little of the love I feel for him.

And now I find myself sitting here, thinking all this, after I have ended my 5 year relationship with my girlfriend. I was so stupid to believe that maybe if I stood firm to my convictions and my feelings I would have the possibility of finally be happy with the person I really love, but it was not like that, life is not as simple as a fairy tale , Happy endings do not exist. If they existed, I would perhaps be in the arms of my best friend, after having confessed my feelings for him, he would have told me that he feels the same for me, we would have kissed, and we would have spent the rest of our life together, happily ever after. But no, I'm in my bedroom, curled on my bed crying and feeling like, I'm in the story of the ugly duckling, now I don't have a girlfriend and I'm not in my best friend arms either.

Flashback:

I walk to Colby's bedroom, after gently breaking up with my girlfriend, I just wasn't feeling it anymore, so I got the courage to do it, surprisingly she took it fairly well and we both leave it in peace.

One of the main reasons of the breake up was cus I wanted to see if maybe I had a chance with Colby, we've known each other for more than a decade, we are best friends, we are both single now, and we both have an ambiguous sexuality, and of course we love each other how can we not?

I realize I'm standing like an idiot in front of his close door, I take a deep breath and get the courage to knock on the door.

~Come in~ Colby says from the other side of the door. I open the door and walk in.

~hey, colbs, you busy? ~ I ask while biting my lip nervously. I see him raise his head from the phone  and look at me with worry in his eyes.

~no, just mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, did something happened? are you ok? ~ he asks me, leaving his phone on the side to give me his entire attention.

~well I, you see I just broke up with kat... ~ I begin nervously, walking towards him to sit in front of him.

~ I'm sorry sammy, how are you feeling? , what happened? What made you take that decision? ~ he asks me genuinely curious and getting closer to pay attention to me.

~ Im feeling ok actually it was my decision, I just realized I wasn't happy with her anymore, you know how people say a relationship with the right person should make you grow and be better and wiser and is supposed to get the best out of someone? ~ I said looking at Colby, he just slowly nodded his head.

~ well I didn't feel like that, I felt stuck, and not myself definitely, I was changing and not in the best or more productive way, and I just simply realized I didn't love her. ~ I finish saying. Colby looked at me and smile.

~ well Sam I'm glad you are happy and you made that decision for your own good, is okay to worry about yourself first and foremost~ Colby says, grabbing his phone again, thinking the  most serious part of the conversation is over.

I take a deep breath and continue talking.
~ actually there's another reason~ he turns to look at me with curious eyes leaving his phone to the side again. He raises an eyebrow urging me to continue talking.

~ see.. I- I w-was t-thinking, maybe, just maybe, you and me could give it a try i-if y-you want to~ I stutter nervously. He looked at me with wide eyes and a mouth hanging open.

~ I'm sorry, try what exactly? ~ he says blinking rappidly which he does when he is genuinely confused.

~ t-try to have a r-relationship you and me~ he kept staring at me in shock. So I continue speaking really fast this time. ~ I think it would work, I'mattractedtoyouandiloveyoualot~ I said extremely fast.

~sam~ he said in a whisper  sighing heavily, taking his hand to his head, definitely not the response I was waiting for.

~ Y-you d-dont love me? ~ I ask softly with tears starting to fill my eyes.

~of course I love you Sam, you are the person I love the most in this life, but I don't think is that kind of love, sweetheart~ he says slowly and kindly.

~ so you are not attracted to me then? ~ I ask cautiously.

~ no Sammy I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I think you are cute, just like I would think a pink fluffy bunny is cute, I don't think I have that sexual attraction towards you. ~ he says.

~oh~ that's all I said I didn't know what else to say, I mean a bunny a damn pink fluffy bunny!?

~ Sam, I'm sorry, I.. ~

~no it's ok colby, I get it, I'm not a child I know how a relationship works, I know sexual attraction is important. I'm sorry I asked~ I said quickly interrupting him with a smile on my face and tears on my eyes.

~ goodnight~ I said quickly getting out of his bedroom and running into mine, I lock my door and sit on my bed and started crying.