Emotions

Broken

I hate how I wake up everyday with you on my mind
I hate how I can't put our memories aside
I hate how I have you constantly on my mind
I hate how drained I feel inside
I hate how I still love you after everything

I hate how I get up and fake a smile
I hate how I look in the mirror and feel nothing but unpleasing
I hate how I feel on the inside and out
I hate how I feel when I'm thinking alone

What I do constantly is put everyone's emotions before mines
I put everyone's opinions over mines
I change myself just to please others
I change my ways just to fit in

For one day I just wanna be myself
For one day I wanna stop thinking about you
For one day I wanna stop worrying about you
For one day I wanna stop loving you
For one day I want all the negativity gone
For one day I want to move on
For one day I just wanna smile
For one day I just wanna have fun
For one day I just wanna do what I wanna do.

I have been hurt so bad for the past year
I have had the worst heartbreak
I didn't even know I can feel this way
Until he said those two words "I'm done"
Instantly I just broke down
Everything just stopped
And there I was on my bed
Crying to myself silently
Feelings so broken and not good enough
Feeling unworthy
Feeling like nothing
You know how bad that hurts.

I thought I had family there for me after you broke me
Turns out the only person I had was myself
I had to write in a journal everyday just to let out my feelings
I had to cry silently in my room everyday just so no one will hear me
I had to pull myself together
I had to hide my emotions
Because once I told anyone what I was feeling all they said was "you'll find someone better"
No.
Did you know that he was the only person there for me when I was depressed ?
Did you know when I was feeling so insecure he was there to bring me up ?
Did you know he was the only person I let get to know all of me ?
Did you know I told him every secret I've ever had and he never once judged me ?
Everyone says things to "make you feel better"
When honestly it just makes you feel worse
He was my first love .
He took what I can never get back
He was my first everything
He left me so hurt but yet I still miss him so much

My family I love them to death
I'd do anything for each and every one of them
I would do anything just to see them smile
To see them not struggling
Would do my best to give them advice
But how come when it comes to me it isn't the same ?
How come when I need them the most they weren't there for me
How come when I tell them how hurt I am they ignore it
How come I tell them I'm depressed they don't do anything about it
How come I have all these emotions built up through these past years and not has a day gone by when they tell me "are you ok?"
My answer: No.
If I can describe my pain to you
From not just a heartbreak but family as well
I swear I will break down
I'm hurt and I just want this all to go away
I hate life itself
I hate the way I am
I'm just a broken person
So many people have broke me
And I don't know how to heal.