Emotions

Confidently Lost

When I was younger I felt so pretty
No matter what I wore I felt beautiful
My smile to me was beautiful
My hair was beautiful
My eyes were beautiful
My laugh was beautiful
My body was beautiful
I was just a happy person
Always smiling always laughing
Never cared what anyone thought

Then I got into High School
Then suddenly my perspective on everything changed
I felt the need to change myself just to fit in
I did things I wasn't comfortable with just to fit in
I was peer pressured into doing things I didn't want to do
I wasn't ready for half the things I did in high school
With time
My smile was going away
My laugh was going away
My confidence in myself was going away
I suddenly cared what people thought of me
I just didn't even wanna be in my own skin

The reason is when I got to high school
There was suddenly all these expectations
All these things you had to do just for attention
"Wear makeup"
"Dress different"
"Do your hair"
"Buy these shoes"
"Do this"
"Do that"
Just to get a guys attention or even just to make friends
Because everyone's expectations were so high
I felt the need to reach them
Just to fit in and be like everyone else
Because that was how I was going to get through high school

I was only 15 when they peer pressured me into smoking
I never liked that stuff
Never liked the smell
It just wasn't my thing
It was only my freshman year and they were already peer pressuring me to do things

I was 16 when my "friends" brought an alcohol bottle to school and they told me to drink it
They said if I didn't I was a "p***y" and they just laughed
So I did it even tho I hated the taste
And didn't like the smell
I just wanted to throw it up

I was 16 when the first boy from high school noticed me
He called me beautiful
And said things that got to my head
I was a shy person so I didn't do or say much
He asked me out one day and I said yes
But the day after I told him I didn't want a boyfriend at the moment so if we can stay friends
He said yes
The next day I found out he started spreading in appropriate rumors about me to my classmates

I was 17 when I got bullied for the first time in high school
I was sitting down doing my work while everyone else was fooling around
Some boy behind me starting throwing papers at my back
I tried to ignore him
Because I felt so embarrassed I didn't even wanna turn around
My face began to turn pink and I started to get mad
Yet I still didn't say anything
I just took it

I was 18 when the first boy who bullied me kissed me
He said it was just for fun and no one had to know
So one day we went in back of the school building and we kissed
We kept sneaking around for about 2 weeks
But I found out he was telling all of his friends
I was so embarrassed
Because now everyone will think bad about me

High school was one of the worst experiences
And I never wanna go back
I met a few friends along the way who were always there for me and I can count on
But it's just a few memories I wish I would have handled in the past
I've grown as a person
I've gained my confidence back
My smile is coming back
I'm becoming happier
I am a strong person
I know that
I DID THAT !

I am strong and I am proud of myself
I got through the worst years of my life
Now I will move on
Try and leave it all in the past
And become a even better person
And show everyone
I'm not the quiet girl anymore
I am grown
I am strong
I am self motivated
I am me.