Hate or Love

0.1

Love?

Why is love difficult?-- Why am I thinking 'bout it anyway?

I shake my head. Scolding myself for thinking such useless thoughts.
I'm watching a korean drama right now- well it wasn't really me who's watching, I'm just sticking around, got bored and watched too. It was a tragic drama, the girl has to sacrifice her love for the boy she loves- well isn't that plain stupidity? Sacrificing for someone else and getting yourself hurt in the process?

For me it's a foolish idea- No. It's a waste of energy.

I got knock out of my thought when Lisa flick my forehead.

"Ouch! That hurts! Why?!"

I can't help shouting at her seriously. I'm staying quiet here unmoved then suddenly she'll hit me? Why am I friend with this idiot?

"You're phone's ringing, I've been telling you for a good minute now and please stop creasing your forehead. You're stressing me out by just looking at you."

"Whatever. "

I rolled my eyes at her which got her back to the thing she's watching. We're in the penthouse. It's only the two of us since It's the last week of summer vacation, Mica got a lot to do while Mavs went out to buy house supply. I'm too lazy to go with her while Liz has council works.

It's actually, May 27 right now. And in a few days we're going to be 4th year students.

"Vijie! For god's sake answer your goddamn phone!"

I flinch in my seat, startled.

"Fine! I get it stop shouting, Gosh."

I stand up holding my phone in my hand before going in the balcony, I even saw Liza rolled her eyes on me. Probably annoyed.

Well who wouldn't? Even I-- is starting to get annoyed by this persistent caller.

Wondering why I didn't just shut my phone off if I don't want to be annoyed? Well-- you'll eventually know.

Sliding to the accept button, I heard the voice that got my heart beating in a quick and roundabout manner- dang.

"Vie?!"

My heart instantly pick up it's speed when I heard his voice. Fuck. There it goes again. This fuckin' suck.

"Ryan."

"Where are you right now?! I'm going there. Wait for m--"

"No. I don't have time."

Seriously.

Why does it still hurt after telling myself over and over again that I shouldn't care? That I should be fine?

Fuck. It was already late when I noticed the tears flowing out of my eyes. Unrequited Love sucks. I hate this.

I calm myself down, quietly taking deep breaths before speaking.

"Stop Ry. I'm happy you got into a relationship with your long time crush, but I never thought you would actually lost time for me.. it hurts. I- It hurt so bad. Being avoided by your bestfriend, Cancelling our plans.. I feel like shit!"

"I- I'm sorry Jie.. Forgive me
p- please.. I- I just thought that I need to make time for Eunice since it's my first time.. I- I miss you.. Let's meet please..."

I took a deep breathe. I'm faltering, my resolve is weaking because of his tone, his every breathe, his voice. I miss hearing it. I miss him- But I can't tell him that.

"I- I need time. I'll end this now Ry, Goodbye."

Before he can even say anything I already end the call. Bawling my eyes out. I can't help it, Hearing his voice after a month just made me realize how much I miss him..

How much I love him.

That's right. I fell inlove with my bestfriend.

"Hey. Hey. HEY!" I look at Mica, Why is she here? "Look at me Vie, Follow my breathe okay?" She inhale and exhaled slowly so I followed her. We did that after a few minutes and that's when I realized that I'm having my panic attacks again.

"T- Thank you. "

"Oh my god Vijie Darwins."

She gave me a stern look before turning her back on me. When she face me again her face looks like she's ready to kill before it softens. Spreading her arms lightly, I let out a smile, knowing what she means.

Approaching her, I threw myself in between her arms. While she encircle her arms on my back tapping it continuously in a comforting manner.

"Hey Bruh.. Listen carefully okay?" I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I don't think I can. "There's a lot of guys out there. You're beautiful, gorgeous even! So why... Why are you hurting yourself staying with that man? "

I chuckled, Mica has always been protective to all of us, especially to me. When I ask her one time She told me it was because she treat me like a little sister she never had.

And I'm thankful to her. But this feeling? I can't stop this, All I can do is to move on but I don't think I can do that any sooner.

"I want to stop to Mica, Believe it or not, I want to stop. I- It hurts so much... I'm tired. I want to move on. Y- You know, I didn't wish for this to happen! I didn't wish to f- fall for him!" When I thought I already calm down enough, I broke myself into crying again.

Damn! I hate this! I hate it really. It hurt so much.

"Shh.. Stop crying already Vie. I will tell the other two about this and we'll have our Movie Marathon while eating Ice cream."

"Mmm. Thank you."

She pushed me a little before giving me a nod and a smile.

"You'll get through this."