Hate or Love

0.10

The events already ended and the month of July past in a blink of an eye.

The whole month I was just riding the flow of the things, I'm too tired to even do anything about everything that seems to change.

It's the start of August, the tle month just ended last week.

And honestly I just want to take a break from everything. Thinking 'bout things really made me snap, I feel so fed up.

From Ryan's constantly avoiding me, I don't know why but after the incident with Zyrex on his apartment, He just slip away. I tried my best pulling him back but he just let his self escape my grasp.

I'm thankful with my friend tho, they're always there. Always patient and understanding. I love them, really.

The thing with Zyrex has been progressing but in a different way, Since Ryan starts avoiding me I grew tired chasing him and we just drifted off like that.

I'm now inside Zyrex Condo Unit. Tho we've been progressing really fast, We both realize it wasn't really something serious like I said it was a different way. In fact what we both have can just be labeled as best friends nothing more.

"Hey, Are you fine?" I look at the guy giving him a small force smile before returning my gaze back to the tv. Really. What's with everything?

I took a deep sigh before closing my eyes.

"Honestly? I'm tired and so exhausted ." He went closer taking me in between his arms.

"Is it about Ryan again?"

Over the time we've been together Zyrex became my listener and vice versa. When he has some problems regarding his family and such, I listen the same as him.

It was like he took over the role of Ryan.

"Everything. It's just everything is so exhausting, I just want to take a rest, really." I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes.

We just cuddled the whole time before I went home.

"Tell Mica I'll talk to her okay?"

I shot my eyebrows up.

"Zy, there's this thing call cellphone, use it."

He gave me a delicious chuckle before I exited his place. Today was saturday and so I decided to maybe drink a little. Turning my wheels in one of the convenience store to buy myself some liquor and proceed to my own secret place, my haven.

It's a private garden I discovered while volunteering in a charity work with my mom.

"Hey Vijie. It's kinda late, What are you do'in here?" I let out a smile looking at Ate Mai Den.

"Just chillin' i guess." I answered. Her eye went down to the plastic bag I'm carrying before she let out a smirk.

"Yeah I can totally see that. Let's go." I can't help shaking my head to her antics.

We both headed to the balcony garden, it was actually in the edge of a hill and so, a good view from the city lights can be seen.

Sitting at one of the bench I open one bottle of can beer. I heard Ate Mai Den did the same thing before she ask me a question, I knew she would notice.

"Spill Darwins. Chillin' my ass."

I tiredly tilt my head on her direction giving her a tired smile before it went back ahead.

"It's... nothing really.. just I'm tired and want an escape."

Whe she didn't say anything I look at her, giving her a questioning look but what she said caught me off guard.

"You miss him, don't you? You want him; You need him; but everything is so messed up to the point of no return and everything just seems to go wrong, That's what I can see in you Viejie." I gulp, Dang. I forgot, Ate Mai Den is a psychology student, Aish!

Slowly looking away, I took a sip on my drink. Nodding at what she said.

"That's right. I'm tired but I miss him.. so so much." It came out as a whisper, a broken whisper as I feel my tears coming out.

There's no denying it anyway. I miss him, I always do. Even if we're together, I miss him. And it scares me. I was afraid things would came to the point that I would lose myself in everything.

I feel Ate Mai Den engulf me in a huge hug. And that's when I really broke down, from all the tension of the past months and events.

Ate Mai Den is like a sister, I feel comfortable around her and maybe the scenery did it or maybe it's the alcohol?

I don't know. I just want to let it all out.

"Shhh. It's fine Vijie, If you don't want to regret a thing, you have to end your feelings with a closure."

Huh? I pushed her a little, enough to see her. Sniffing I ask a question. "How d-did you know?"

She gave me a little smile.

"It doesn't take a genius to know Vijie. It shows with all of your gesture and stares."

I gasp.

"Am I that Obvious?"

I ask still sniffing, calming myself from my initial broke down.

I heard her chuckle.

"Nah. If it is then he would know, don't you think?" I nodded not trusting myself to speak anymore. But her face completely change, she look so serious. "But that doesn't mean you two should hurt each other, you're both so dense."

I grew confuse.

"What? I can't follow." I voice out but she didn't say anything until someone call her and she need to go.

"Finish your drink and go home, Then confess. See where would that bring you, Don't be a coward Vijie."

She gave me a sad smile before she really left. It confuse me but I knew she's right. Taking a deep breath, I look ahead constantly drinking my beer.