Hate or Love

0. 12

Letting Go

Oh my gosh! That was hell of a dream! Damn!

I instantly bolt out of my bed when I woke up. Shems. I can't do this anymore. I need to let this all out or else i'll be crazy.

"Hey! Hey! It's okay Vijie, Cry it out. It's just a nightmare. " The tears flow out almost instantly and endless. Liza is just sitting beside me, taping my back continuously to calm me down.

I look over at her, Determined.

"L- Liza.. I dreamt about it... The confession. I can't do it!" I cried louder than before, Each room is soundproof due to Mica's whim but I bet Liza already contacted them cause a minute later, They went inside.

Both fresh from sleep.

"Hey Bruh, Are you okay?" Mica ask, sitting infront of me wiping my tears away with his thumb.

"I- I.. Help me! I'm-- I don't want this pain! I feel like dying. P- Please take it all away."

I bawled my eye out, I think I need a day off from school.

"Shhh.. It's fine, We'll help you. Since things turns out this way already, I'll take things in my hand." I look at Mavs she's wearing a serious face that make me think of trouble but I can't do this alone anymore. I need assistance and someone I can lean to whenever.

"Thank you." I sniff. Calming myself until I heard Mica laugh. We all look at her and she look at me. She has an amused and dangerous grin on her face.

She's spouting her nonsense again.

"Well looking back a few years, Back when we're still on grade 8 and grade 7. I wouldn't have seen Vijie this stress out and in pain. You're like a ball of sunshine bruh, positive, a hell of a snobbish and what's your saying again?" She take a stance like she's thinking.

"You mean. The less you care, The less you get stress." Liza said.

"Yeah that's the one! See?" Mica look at me, her playful demeanor change into seriousness. Scary Duality. "You've change so much from then, Since you realize your feelings, you've change, And mind you Bruh. It's not exactly a good one."

"Mica's right Vie. See, Since you realize that gruesome feelings of yours you became someone who overthinks everything, you even beat Liza on that area! Ouch!"

"Yah! That's rude!" I chuckle seeing Mavie get hit by Liza. This is awesome but what they said got me thinking.

Maybe I really did change. I've always overthink my action towards Ryan, if I'm somewhat obvious or over the top. Sometimes I even excuse myself from doing my favorite things just to avoid seeing him and maybe get rid of this. Sighed.

I look at my forever friends before Speaking. They all look at me.

"Yeah I guess I did change. I forgot my own self, I become someone who always mind all I did. And maybe somewhere in the process, I lost myself." I smile sadly while looking at them. Mavie recovered first.

"I'm glad you realize it Vijie. We're just watching from the sidelines since we want you to experience it raw and alone. But now that everything came to this point maybe, You need a little help."

"That's right bruh. So this is what will do okay?"

We discussed the thing we'll do for me to confessed. Everything was settled so Mica and Mavie went back to their room. I found out that it's early in the morning, just 3 Am.

I'm glad Mica is not that grumpy and actually is reasonable, Since it's so early.

"You fine?" I look over at Liza. She's sleeping with me since she wants to make sure I'll be fine.

"No. I feel so empty and not myself. I can't understand it and honestly?" I look at her for a second before turning away again.

"I'm scared. I don't want to feel this way, What If I can't shake this off anymore? What If I can't fall out of this love? What if.. What if--"

"Shhhh. It's fine Vie, you'll be fine. Everything will be."

I look at Liza mustering a smile before nodding.

"Let's sleep then."

::::::

I'm now inside the campus and everything is settled, Well according to Mica and Mavie it is. Liza is with me right now, Making me calm.

"What If he gets mad?!" Oh my shems!!! This is nerve wracking!

"Calm down Vijie. Why don't you compose yourself first?" I nodded at her suggestion before going to the comfort room.

I exited the stalls but what greeted me make me lost my composure.

"R- Ryan?"

Woah. I thought just being in an unrequited love hurts already but I never thought, seeing the one you love, Making out with someone else-- someone else who's really for him, officially and legally.

I blink, once, thrice, thinking that maybe if I did, somehow, they'll jusy disappear. But no.

"Vijie. What are you doing here?"

"I-- Umm.. I-- Well-- Nothing. I guess. I'll be g- going now."

I quickly exited the stall. Shock still flowing over my system. This is slowly becoming a cycle. Really.

"Liz. I'm letting it go now. I don't need to confess, It's fine." I give Liza a reassuring smile. Her eyes asking, but I never mind it.

I'm fine. It's done. Official.

I'm letting you go now Ryan.

"It's not Vie. Everything would just make sense. Wait for it." I heard Liza said but since my head is spinning, I can't understand a thing and there's only one thing's on my mind right now.

Taking my phone out, I type Ryan's name before mustering my courage to send something. I know it's coward to do it rhis way but I can't face him right now, Or anytime now. I'm hurt. Drowning in pain.

9:33 Am to Sizter Ry

Goodbye.