Hate or Love

0.4

Not Fine

"Do you want this?" I nod. Ryan went to the counter to pay for his and my food.

It's been 2 weeks since we made up. And true to his words, Ryan become extra clingy and affectionate towards me and honestly? I like it.

No. I love it.

There's just one short coming.

"You're so whipped Darwins." I look at my bestfriend, Mica. She's giving me a teasing look, One that makes my blood boiled. Irritating.

"Yeah tell me about it, Not to mention. A martyr." I gave Mavie a heated glare before looking at Ryan. Thankfully his far enough not to hear what Mavie said.

I made my way to Liza, sitting next to her before speaking.

"Shut up. I don't wanna talk about it."  I said averting my eyes away from their scrutinizing one.

"Yeah? Then why are you still doing it?" Mica

"Right. Why hurt yourself Darwins?" Mavie

"You do know that what you're doing is a suicide right?" Liza

I look at the three before averting my eyes away again. I can't say anything and they must have understand it.

I know what I'm doing is really suicide. Gosh. I know how deep my feeling goes after the past weeks we're together and I'm not stupid enough to forget my situation.. it's just, I can't.

Everytime I heard his voice calling my name, Everytime my eyes meet his orbs, Everytime his scent lingers around me-- I fall. Hard, Fast and It's painful.

Cause I'm not a fool, I know he has a girlfriend. I know everytime he's not answering to my calls he's busy with someone else. I know that everytime he's late with our meet up is because he fetch his girlfriend.. I know that everytime he looks at me, the only thing he see is his bestfriend.. I knew it.

Taking a deep breath, I face my friends.

"Let's just eat Guys. Don't worry If I ever need someone I'll make sure to say it, Deal?" I said trying to keep a good smile on my face.

They look at me, Worried visible in their eyes.

"Fine. I just can't understand why you're still hoping for a chance. " Mica said taking her eyes off me that caught me off guard.

The two must have notice my reaction and they nag her. In normal circumstances I would be laughing at her but what she said really caught me by surprise.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by that bruh." She said but I just gave her a tight smile shaking my head.

I've always known how straightforward and blunt Mica is. I just.. that just really hurt.

"I'm back! Here. Your chucky and Bavarian." I was startled when Ryan's face appeared next to mine.

He's so close, I can see his side profile from her and If I could just turn my head a little I would end up kissing him.

When he notice my reaction he back away. Scratching his nape- a gesture he always do when he's nervous or embarrassed, this time I guess it's the latter.

When he leaned his body on my direction I immediately back away, My eyes wide in astonishment.

But he didn't seem to notice it since he still continue leaning in anyways.

He give me a peck on my cheecks and then seat on a chair beside me.

I was frozen for a good minute before I collect myself and calm down, facing him. "What was that for?"

"Hmm.. Nothing? I mean. I always do that, Whats new?" He started eating his own food but what he just said gives me goosebumps.

Now tell me. How can I not hope for a chance If he do this, If he continue acting like this?

I took a deep breath for seems like the nth time today. I even caught Liza shaking her head on the scene she just saw before she went back to the topic.

-

We're now walking down the hallway of the school, on the way to Mrs. Dulce.

Our club Administrator told me to join the Poster making competition, since I need to participate anyway, I just complied. I'm part of the English Club.

"Jie! Have you see the latest announcement?"

I'm walking the hallway with Ryan by my side holding my hand- intertwining it. And I'm doing my best to calm my beating heart cause if not, I'm afraif he may hear it.

"Nope. What about it?" I ask looking ahead. Loving the warmth his hand provides.

"Y'know. The Eco Queen and Eco King!"

"And?"

"Seriously? Don't you want to know what your bestfriend joins?" I feel my breath hitch when the word bestfriend was said but I manage to recover just in time to respond.

"W- What?" I mentally groaned when i stuttered but thankfully he ignored it.

"Well! I will be representing our club in the pageant! My partner is Eunice! It still amaze me how we're both in the same club. Almost like destiny."

I can't help the sudden thug in my heart when I hear the news. Destiny?

Is that what I should blame in this kind of situation I'm in?

Is it the destiny's fault why I'm hurting?... Is it?

Because our hands are connected, Ryan notice my sudden stop. I want to cry. I want to scream and blame the destiny he's talking about with the amount of pain I'm feeling!

But I can't. Instead, I let his hands go. Looking at him with a painful smile on my face.

When our eyes meet I saw how worried and confuse he is, but I didn't paid it any attention.

"We're here. You can go ahead since I still have a lot to do for my club. I.. I'll just text you later."

I force myself not to cry infront of him and I'm mentally patting my back for not stuttering.

"Hey.. Are you okay?" He said. The same look of worry and confusion on his face. I nod, forcing myself to let out an 'okay' smile. "I am. You should go now. "

He was still hesitant but since he didn't know what's wrong he doesn't have any choice.

"Fine. I'll text you later. "

I was about to enter Miss Dulce's office when he talk again, so I face him. Mentally telling myself that It's fine, I'm fine.

"By the way. Eunice invite me to a dinner date earlier, Since she's bringing Zyrex with him, Can you come with me Jie? Please?"

No. I'm not fine.