Where's a brother when you need one?

The apology

I lie in bed, facing the wall. I have stopped crying a while ago but I'm still reminded of the fact every time I see the the wet patches on my pillow. I'm such a wuss. I'm on my phone looking at Instagram. Pictures of Percy Jackson, New Girl and Avatar memes scroll down the page as I try to keep my mind from thinking back to moments before. No notifications because I have no friends. Kidding! They are just busy probably getting organised for school tomorrow.

Urgh, shit! I got homework due. Meh. Too tired to sit up.

A creak sounds making sure I know that someone has entered my room. Footsteps approaches before they stop before my bunk.

"Hey, buddy."

A moment of silence. I sigh tiredly, already wanting to go to sleep.

"Hey, dad."

He sighs eventually too, probably from me not facing him and communicating back. If he thinks I'm gonna talk to him after what he did, he is absolutely right. But not now. He'll have to initiate conversation this time.

"Look. I'm sorry about before. I was being stupid and put you in an uncomfortable position and I'm so sorry."

I huff, setting my phone down and rolling over. He's tall enough to set his palms on top of the rails and place his chin on them, his shoulders slouching slightly. His blue eyes look sad; guilty even. Poop.

"It's ok, dad. I—"

"I knew he was going to forgive him too easily."

"I know. I know. I thought by now he would have a backbone by now but apparently not. Dad, get out. He needs more time."

Two voices interrupt me making me look up and dad to swivel round. My two immediate older brothers step into the room. Dylan and Ethan.

"What? But—"

"Out, dad. He needs longer than 10 minutes."

Dylan states, chucking a thumb over his shoulder in the general direction of the door that Ethan is so graciously holding open. Dad just grunts before patting my arm.

"Sorry again about before. I'll just step out."

He looks pointedly at my brothers but they shrug unapologetically back at the same time before closing the door as soon as he leaves. Dylan blows a raspberry before climbing up the ladder to sit beside me, Ethan doing the same but on the other side though using the handles of my draws to climb up, ignoring my 'Hey!'. We sit with our backs leaning on the wall, shoulder to shoulder with Dylan's legs straight out with his trainers hanging over the ledge, Ethan's bare feet propped up on the railings. Me? One up, one straight out.

Silence.

With a family full of dudes, we are not the most talkative of our feelings. My brothers saying to 'tough it out' or 'ignore them, they'll go away eventually' tactics work for the most part in this household. But it just makes us try and find others to share our feelings with. I only know that they care is through their actions: ruffling of the hair, a pat on the back, teasing and if I'm lucky, an occasional hug around birthdays and Christmas.

But since being diagnosed 4 years ago, my brothers had to learn to be more understanding of my emotions and habits, not just Dad. Though since Mav, Jett and Hugh had already left home for collage by then, they didn't really need to change their behaviour around me that much. The rest of my siblings though...

"You didn't have to do that."

I say under my breath, watching my fingers fiddle with the case of my phone or the loose strings on my t-shirt. They scoff.

"Apparently we do, Rem. It's more than ok to tell people to fuck off if your having a bad day, especially if they caused it."

I thump my head behind me, my eyes drawing a close. Ethan's words swirling around and giving me a headache.

"But it's dad though. I can't necessarily tell him to 'fuck off' now, can I?"

Ee puffs out a breath to the left of me. I figured he doesn't have an answer to that one. It was Felix's last year of high school a couple of months ago so the 'Maverick' role was instantly thrust upon him. And I must admit. As I have seen on my older brothers beforehand, the pressures already getting to him. The others stating it is more stressful than taking the SAT's (or so I've heard).

Distant rummaging outside my room is heard, muffled cursing following.

"How's the new additions to the family?"

Ethan smirks whilst Dylan drags a hand down his face.

"They're fine, a little weird. Especially those twins. They annoy the shit out of me. They think they're top dogs and constantly think the're the best. I can't believe they are staying her much less going to our school this year."

I follow Ee's suit. Is Dee's popularity status threatened? I decide to file him up.

"Nervous those two will steal the limelight?"

Dill's eyes widen before splitters.

"W-What? No! Of course not! That's stupid, you stupid."

Both of us snort at the look of our brother. Ethan wiping something from the corner of his eye.

"Oh, yeah. You got him. Got him real good. Did that hurt, Rem?"

I quickly mime having a heart attack and running a finger down my right cheek to pretend to cry. I pretend to choke up.

"Yes! How dare he. He's so mean to me. I must receive chocolate to cure my pain, oh!"

They both laugh, shoving me back and forth between them like a tennis match whilst I laugh my head off. The event from the day momentarily forgotten.

If you must know, I did not get any chocolate. The nerve of my brother!