Kindness

Out of Kindness

  I woke up next to Rick for the third week in a row, took a shower, made a coffee, and brushed my teeth before I kissed his sleeping face goodbye. I took a cab to work, looked out the window at all the happy faces, and wondered why I didn’t feel that way.

         I had to send Love and Yu to an animal vacation center until Rick was ready to accept them. Rick complained keeping them would be like raising children and he wasn’t ready for that. He sat in his car smoking a cigarette while I handed them over.They whimpered when I handed them over.

          As for my apartment, I moved out to live with Rick. He said he wanted more time with me. When I moved in he had me make dinner, wash all the laundry, and clean up spills he made. He said I was useful. Out of kindness I just agreed. He promised he’d take me to meet his parents someday. Maybe one day I will.

           Rick came to work an hour later. I found him in the office kitchen pressed against some intern with a coffee in his hand and a smirk on his face. He leaned down and kissed her right in front of me. He grunted into her and she giggled. Then he turned to see my reaction.

        I could feel my face heat with shame for not having the courage to say anything. I lowered my gaze and walked back to my cubicle. I wrote another poem about coffee.

Coffee you vile drink

You  make it hard to think

Why does he have to drink?

         I balled it up with my fist and out of kindness didn’t think about stuffing it down Rick’s throat.

          After work he caught me in the elevator. I faced my back to him as I watched the floors go by. I could feel his eyes degrading me. We rode all the way down to the parking garage with his eyes on me. I waited for Rick to unlock the passenger side of his car, but he didn’t. He rolled down the window instead. The irritated look on his face made me think I had done something wrong.

           “You’re walking today Ruth.”

          “What do you mean?” I asked confused.

          “That intern meant nothing to me. I can’t believe you would act like a stupid bitch just because I kissed her. You think you can make me feel guilty for kissing her?”

          “I wasn’t. I mean I’m sorry Rick.”

          “Remember this Ruth; I’m doing you a favor by taking an interest in you. So if I decide I want to flirt with whoever, I better not catch that stupidlook on your face again.”

          He drove away with a cloud of smoke behind him. By the time I reached his house the street lights were on. I knocked on the door, but Rick didn’t answer so I dug through my purse for the keys. Suddenly the door swung open and some tall blonde girl in my bathrobe stood in the doorway. Then I realized it was the intern from earlier. The way it hugged her body I could tell she wore nothing underneath.

          “Oh hi, I’m Carstina. You must be Rick’s roommate, Ruth right?”

          “Where’s Rick?”

          “Oh he’s in the room sleeping.” She blushed. “Come in please. I hope you don’t mind he said I could wear your robe.”

         The tears fell before I could stop them. Suddenly I was filled with anger for being so stupid. God how did I stoop so low? All I wanted was to be happy. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I wiped the tears and watched her.

            She was at the stove heating up some water when I attacked her. I pushed her into the hot tea kettle and watched as she slumped to the floor in pain. I quickly grabbed a hand towel and placed it over her face to muffle her screams. She squirmed as I kicked her in the ribs. Shoving me to the ground she ran for Rick’s room. I pushed her into the counter making all the dishes crash to the floor. I picked up a knife from the floor and stabbed her in the abdomen. I watched as she fell to the floor gasping for her last breathes. However out of kindness I only imagined what I wanted to do to her while she made a ham sandwich for Rick.

           An hour later Carstina was dressed again and heading out the door. Rick kissed her goodnight and then ordered me to run him a bath. I went into the room, changed into my pajamas, and then got started on drawing him a bath. He came in behind me with a scowl on his face.

         “What did I say about that damn look on your face Ruth? You see this was a test and you being a dumb bitch failed.”

        “B-But…” I cried.

      He threw me into the tub and held me under the running water. I struggled for air while he laughed. He pulled me up and smacked me hard across the face.

         “Say you’re sorry Ruth or I’m going to have to teach you another lesson.” He chuckled.

        “I-I-I’m sorry.” I gasped.

        That night I prayed to God to rescue me from my own foolish actions. I prayed that he’d help me escape.

Rescue me, O Lord, from evil men;

protect me from men of violence,

who devise evil plans in their hearts

and stir up war every day.

They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent’s;

the poison of vipers is on their lips.

(Psalm 140: 1-3 NIV)