Memoria. | Kozume Kenma

08

Trigger warning: Suicide attempt, self harm, anxiety attack.

I don't know what to say, or how to react to this. Satsuki Ena.. Why is my past trying to chase me down? I froze the very moment she introduced herself, I can't keep up with this anymore. I met eyes with her, and those eyes that used to glare at me, they were filled with mixed emotions and feelings that I can't enumerate.

"Go ahead and take a seat behind......" The teacher looks around, eyeing all of us to look for a vacant seat. I'm safe, the seats around me are all taken. "Behind Takahashi." I turn to my best friends and saw how uncomfortable they were.

I held my wrist tight, digging my nails into my skin, I can't control myself. I'm shaking again. Suddenly, I felt a hand on mine, pulling my hand away from my wrist to stop me from digging my skin more than I already have. It's Kenma.

He took my other hand and placed a wet wipe on my wrists, making me wince in pain when it came in contact with my skin. He pressed it more and the pain slowly went away; yet again, he has calmed me down. His gaze was soft and welcoming, not of those from yesterday.

"I thought you were mad." I mumble, but he heard it. Ugh, now I sound clingy. He just looked at me, saying nothing; it's awkward but it's peaceful.

"I wasn't." He removes the wet wipe of my wrist, taking out a new one to replace it. "Do you know her?" He asks, voice was quiet, but enough for me to hear him clearly. I nod slowly, looking at Ena who's getting so much attention from our classmates.

"She's.. an old friend.. she bullied me." I turn to Kenma when I felt his gaze, he looked surprised to hear what I said. Curses are following me, or am I the curse? "I'm fine, I think.. I hope." He looks at me, eyeing my face. I let out a chuckle and give him a reassuring smile.

People I've encountered so far, Akaashi Keiji and Satsuki Ena. Why is life doing this to me? Both of them make up my horrible past, they make me uneasy, but I have to do what it takes to fix myself to get used to the world. But it's so difficult...

Maki and Honami looks very bothered by her, but Ena's just sitting there behind them as she gets asked by countless classmates. It's like back then but with her in my shoes, when I transferred in the middle of the school year. She was one of the girls who came to befriend me, we became close friends.. or so I thought.

Aside from Ena, there were two other girls, we were all close and we knew each other's secrets. Ena was very kind to me, she kept my secrets very well. Whenever there's an event, the four of us are always together, we don't leave anyone behind. We've had sleepovers at each other's houses. What Maki, Honami and I are doing now, I've done them before with her.

When someone asks me to keep a secret, I will keep my word and not tell anyone. I get envious of people but I don't steal and take them by force. She knows that about me and yet she didn't believe me. She was blinded by love, she was too in love that she didn't even try to hear me out.

During our second year, she saw me and her boyfriend at the convenience store, he was asking me what to get her for her birthday. He knew that Ena and I were close so he asked me. But Ena decided to think that I was trying to steal him from her, and she started spreading things about me. And all of them were the complete opposite of me.

"Are you okay?" Honami and Maki takes the seats in front of us, brushing my hair back to see my eyes. I smile at them and they smiled back. "We thought we had to rush you to the infirmary again. You've been holding it in pretty well." Maki chuckles, pinching my cheek. Well I know why I've been able to hold it in.