Memoria. | Kozume Kenma

35

"Do you know how worried I was?" Naoki's currently scolding me for suddenly leaving him at the restaurant. "I could've cleared my schedule for you."

"I'm sorry.. I couldn't think straight." He let out a deep sigh, it's his 25th. "My friends were around so I just thought that it'd be better to.."

"I was right in front of you." He rubbed his temples, the other hand on his waist. He turned to me, engulfing me into a hug. "Doesn't matter anymore.. are you okay?" I just nod, I am quite alright. "Don't you want to go home for now?"

He pulled away, holding me by my shoulders as he eyed my face. His warmth is really lacking... it's not him. There's someone else, but we're not even friends. Naoki's a good friend, and really close to me.. but he's not the one.

He brought me to the amusement park to cheer me up but it was only temporary.. the moment I got back to the dorm I broke down. I even woke Kazuhiko up from her sleep.. I can't.. Even with what Kozume-san said, I'm still blaming myself for the death of my mother.

Mom and dad worked many jobs just to pay for the hospital bills.. Maki told me that I'd get sent to the hospital every other week for many different reasons, our debts must've stacked up because of me. Mom died from overworking, she was ill... but she never said she was dying.

If only I had taken better care of myself and been more careful not to get hit by a stupid car, then I would've been okay.. I wouldn't have to be searching for my memories, mom wouldn't be dead right now.. I wouldn't feel lonely.. I wouldn't have worried my friends.

The guy in my dreams-- his smile, his warmth, the inaudible of his voice in my head.. I want to hear it. I want to meet him.. I always wake up with tears streaming down my face, and the reason for it never changes. My heart's heavy and it's wanting someone, I don't know who!

The stress of not being able to remember, from my mother's death, to the guy in my dreams.. add school and other things in life.. it's killing me! I just want to live happily but no one's helping me out! I'm suffering and it's so fucking obvious but no one's telling me the truth.

I don't get my life anymore. I can smile and laugh, act like I'm alright.. but it's so painful for me to keep searching for answers, trying to find my past when no one's telling me every single detail. They keep things from me. I hate it. I hate myself.. I should've just died instead...

"You have to cheer up.. it's not your fault." I'm with Honami today, she cleared her schedule for me and she brought Mitsuki with her. "Mitsuki, cheer auntie up."

"Mama, auntie's pretty.. Pretty!" I chuckled at the two year old, he's pretty talkative. "Smile auntieee smileeeee." He said, smiling brightly to demonstrate it to me.

"Thank you baby." I took him from Honami and nuzzled his nose.

"How's your life? I heard that you have a boyfriend now." A boyfriend? "The one you came with at the restaurant."

"Ha.. I don't have a boyfriend, he just likes me.. and he kissed my forehead that's why."

I suddenly remembered that day. Not only Naoki but, Kozume-san gave me a kiss on the forehead too. It really feels so familiar... like someone has kissed my forehead before.. like a daily routine or something.

"Do you like him?" Me? Naoki?

"If I never felt like I had a boyfriend before losing my memories then... I might've said yes to Naoki already." She furrowed her brows, looking at her son who's sleeping on my shoulder. "But, I've been searching for the person.. it's quite difficult."