Memoria. | Kozume Kenma

37

"Naoki, I told you... I don't like you.. stop forcing yourself to me." I hug myself, trying to hide my exposed chest from him.

"I-I... I'm sorry.. I.." His eyes widened and they were softer than earlier, he's really surprised himself. He just realized what he did. "I'm so sorry... (Y/n).. I'm sorry.." He took the bra from the car floor, handing it to me. "I'm really sorry, I screwed up.. I'm sorry.."

I got the bra on, buttoning up my shirt to completely hide myself from him. I fixed my panties and pants, catching my breath to calm down. "Naoki.. I really love you.. but it's not the same way as how you like me. I love having you around because you're my friend. But I'm in love with someone else.." I hope he shows himself soon.. I really want him back.

"I know.. I know.. I'm really sorry for losing control and touching you.. I'm sorry.." I lean over and he backed away, he's scared. I cup his cheeks and press a soft kiss on his forehead. "I violated your personal space.. I'm supposed to respect you.... I.."

"Don't ever do it again, I don't want to lose a friend."

We both waited until we were calm before going ahead. He still drove me home even after what happened between us, I almost fell for that. I was about to submit myself to him, I was seeing my boyfriend.. I want him back. I want to see him again, I want to be with him.. who is he?

When Naoki was violating me, I was seeing scenes from the past.. specifically me making love with my boyfriend, but it was vague. I wanted to see more even if it was memories of me having sex with him, I just want to see the face.. I want to know who he is.

Naoki pulled over so that means we reached my house. He was supposed to stay the night but now that there's something between us, he decided to leave me alone. "(Y/n), I'm really sorry.. Slap me or hit me.. please." He's still on it.

"I don't want to hit you, as long as you know what you did was wrong then.. it's okay." I give him a smile to reassure him that I'm really fine.

"It's not okay, you're not okay with it.. You're scared of me but you just know how to hide it. Don't fake it from me (Y/n), I know when you're lying.." I let out a sigh, leaning over to him and give him a peck on the cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I give him a wave before heading out.

I fell to my feet the moment I entered the house. He's right, I'm not okay with it... I'm nervous, scared, anxious, worried.. I might not even speak to him tomorrow. Whatever he did was really unforgivable but he's my friend.. I don't want to lose a friend over that.

I cry on my knees as I hugged them close to my body. The house feels so cold and empty, it was once warm and lively.. I don't have my mom anymore. I don't have a mother to come home to, dad's away and my friends are all busy with their own lives that I couldn't bother them.

Honami's in Med school and I know that her schedule's quite hectic so I don't really bother her that much. Maki's in the middle of a project so she couldn't give me much of her attention, she's also having conflicts with Lev, I don't want to add up to her problems. Ena's most definitely busy, she said she's going to leave for Russia soon.

I could ask Kazuhiko but ever since that day, the first time I saw my friends after I woke up.. she was just completely different from everyone. I couldn't recall (not that I can, ha..), I just couldn't feel anything nice from her. Being with her in college just helped us get closer, but she's just really different from the rest.

Everyone just seems to be going ahead, leaving me behind in the race. Honami's got a son, Ena's engaged to Kuroo, Maki's acting in movies directed by famous directors (also engaged to Lev), Kozume-san's got a company all to himself, Yaku-san's training in Russia... everyone's so ahead of me that I feel so lonely.. they have other priorities.. responsibilities..