Amasa

Chapter twelve- Internal struggles

Rima sat at the far end of the throne room, circling his thumbs around themselves as he rested his elbows on his knees. His ubiquitous presence was threatening, always arriving and snatching away my peace in its nascency.

"I believe if you have something to say , you should speak out."

" Because that is what you do now Amasa? If anything I know your lack there off."

"There is a difference between deciphering the need for silence and the relevance of speech at a given time, you know nothing about that Rima. If you were wise you would've learned that from me then."

Rima chuckled as if he was clearing a mucus cough from his throat. His eyes glimmered with mischief, I knew he was about to turn the calabashes of my life upside down once again.

"Is that so?"

"I admire you Amasa, do you know that? You live in your mind, no harm, no treachery, A balance between the wind and the wrestling of the leaves... I do not know what storm you need to witness to realize how unsturdy the roots of your world are, how are you are always drowning but only admiring the bubbles."

"I hear plenty of folks tale in the palace Rima! If you don't have anything to say, I will take my leave."

Standing from the carven throne I once gently sat upon, I made my leave. My mind was restless as my heart battled, Rima always stirred the pool of anxiety in me that was already simmering. To keep my peace of mind, I had to walk away.

"Since we were young you walked away from any sort of conflict, any hint of adversity, you will never be a leader especially with such weakness as a woman."

"I am only walking away from you Rima."

Not bothering to look back, I talked to Rima with my back exposed to him, it harboring paint of ancient paintings that had dried my skin up, it chipped off slowly ,fading away with the rain festival from the night before, I was too lazy to wash it off.

"Exactly Amasa, I am your  adversity..."

Jotting up and walking behind me, Rima grazed his hand upon my waist as he breathed heavily down my neck.

"You hate me because I tell you the truth, I opened your eyes, I widened your experiences..."

"Shut your mouth Rima! You do not know what you are talking about!"

Shivering from within, I did not know why I could not control my  trembling, if it was from the hatred I felt for him and his manipulative control or if it was the sensuality of his hand as it grazed the side of my waist in broad daylight. I could not fathom Rima's daring nature. Pushing him away, he planted his grip tighter, in a non-violent manner. This was unusual of him, calming me into letting it be.

"Rima it happened long ago and you know that."

"So why is it that you still tremble in my presence?"

Gasping for air as I could feel his body pressed onto mine, I felt weak from the foreign touch of a man, even if it was from Rima. I was grown, I was not going to let sexual desires overpower me this time. My father finally made sense to me... My nurturing had to overcome my nature.

I placed my hands upon his and removed them off my waist, as the servants did as they gently but assertively plucked the feathers from a lifeless bird. I  turned to look directly into his eyes, breaking all traditions . I wanted to see him falter, his gaze to become scattered, of which it never did.

" I did not let you widen my experiences , I took that from you Rima... I used you for my pleasure. It pains me that you think that you have the ability to make me tremble, it's merely a shiver of discomfort and disgust when thinking back, that I let myself stoop so low even for my own indulgence."