Finding myself

💛part 4💛

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   ( Ellipse : 2 months )

" bye anna, it was really nice hanging out with you!" One of the girls said.

"bye ,same, i enjoyed hanging out with you". I said happily.

You must be surprised, why I'm not alone anymore, why there is a dialogue in my story?

Well, i've changed, for the better, hopefully...

 i found out that the only reason why i was not popular and loved was because i was not me... i guess..2 months ago, i was really lost but now, i know exactly what i'm doing...

How? It just took me one step...changing everything in me, getting rid of the old me! I started using the word "Yes" more, even if i didn't feel like it, i needed to be kinder, kindness is the key!! I started wearing clothes i'v never worn, they didn't feel confortable like the old ones, but they made me  more attractive, as my friends say. I was happy, even if i had a little tiny weird feeling about that.

I couldn't even believe it at first, that was like magic, the feeling was really nice,  everyone knows you! No one looks down at you! No one ignores you when you enter the class, all the stares are on you!

I've got all the attention as I've always wanted to!  No more loneliness, no more depression, no more problems, no mo-

The voice of my best friend woke me up from my day-dream

"Anna, did you bring us our homeworks?"

"Of course"

"Ya sure all the answers are right?"

"Absolutely!"

Suddenly, she disappeared among the huge crowd of students after taking the homeworks without a word, not even a small "thank you".

Something very small has brokened somewhere, inside of me..

And yeah, there is the other side of this, but let me explain!

Those popular girls accepted me in one condition; doing their homeworks... But I was actually okay with that since I didn't have to be alone anymore! Also I really wanted to make friends so bad...But i guess, they are really nice, i mean they would walk with me, have nice conversations with me, advice me and tell me how to attract boys, do me makeovers and show me what i should wear, they really care about me!

School ended, and here i am surrounded by people, or as we call them friends. They kept talking, talking and talking...
I was a bit tired since i didn't really got a lot of sleep these days, but what should i do, i need friends and i need my reputation to stay good... i need to act energetic and to make them feel like i'm really enjoying their company, even if i'm not....

We parted ways, and here i'm alone again...

Someone tell me why i still feel alone....?

I still have that feeling that no one got my back, that no one is there for me, that i'm still lonely.  I still have those voices in my head, they got even louder!

I feel like there is something i need to find? But where? How? When?

Is popularity really important? Am i invisible? Do i even matter? Maybe nobody would notice if one star was missing out of the sky...

Am i doing the right thing?

Ofc i am, sigh!

But-

But why do i feel so empty?