Life Is Like A Playlist

:Wrapped Around Your Finger:

:Sam:

It's been little over a week, and I have to say, I enjoy having Hellsing and company around. Adds more life to the place. Charlie and Integra are a serious thing, and it's super cute how they have pet names for each other. Dean and Seras are dancing around how much they like each other. Cas and Alucard are getting along, despite how much Alucard hates the fact he can't really be closer than 8 feet apart. The only one here who is having issues it seems is Alex and myself. Alex avoids me now, won't talk to me won't even say hello anymore. He looks at me, and just as quickly shoves his face into whatever book from the library he grabbed and is reading. I personally am having personal doubts about myself. I've never found a man attractive before. I've never even remotely been interested in a guy before, but Alex makes something in me stir and I don't know what it is.

 Sure, I still like looking a girls, but now with Alex, it was harder to ignore his brawny, rough, rugged appearance, the littering of scars he has, the thick and heavy brogue, the way his green eyes sparkle as he reads something he likes, how they darken when he hates something, how he always smells like frankincense and sage. I needed to talk to Charlie. She's the only one I could bring this up to. I walk out and see Integra and Charlie curled up in an armchair, Integra holding a book, and Charlie smiling like crazy as usual.

" Charlie, could I talk to you please, kinda urgent."

" Oh, sure. Be right back, my pretty Dame." 

" Hurry back, my squire."

They shared a chaste kiss to the cheek, and Charlie was was now able to talk. 

" What's up, Sammy?"

I motioned for her to follow me, and I had her come with me to my room. We got in and I locked the door. I didn't need Dean knowing about this.

" Charlie I am freaking out and I need help." 

" Ok, what's wrong?" 

" I don't know, I just feel different now."

" Ok, slow down, sit down, and tell what is wrong."

I sat down, and Charlie sat next to me on my bed. I had my head in my hands, the entire situation felt wrong. 

" Charlie, have you ever met a straight guy who wanted to be with a man for any reason?" 

" I mean, no, but I do know plenty of people who say 20 bucks is 20 bucks, so I could be wrong."

" Is it possible to develop a new kind of attraction in your late 30's?" 

" Sure it is. Perfectly natural. People always change. Why? Is there something your trying to say?" 

" I'm 38, Charlie, and I have always liked girls, and still do, but as of late, there's this one guy who just makes it so hard to not find him fucking perfect."

" I'm going to take a wild shot in the dark and say it's not the vampire?" 

I colapse back onto the bed, my hands over my face. 

" It's Alex."

" I figured, but didn't want to assume. What inspired all of this?"

:Alexander:

I was walking to my room to get some space from the newly formed screaming match that is Alucard and Dean over Seras, when I heard talking from behind Sam's door. It sounded like he was talking to Charlie. I knew better than to eavesdrop, but I just needed to know.

" I'm 38, Charlie, and I have always liked girls, and still do, but as of late, there's this one guy who just makes it so hard to not find him fucking perfect."

" I'm going to take a wild shot in the dark and say it's not the vampire?"

I hear someone make the springs in the mattress creak, and I wasn't prepared for the next words I'd hear from Sam.

" It's Alex."

" I figured, but didn't want to assume. What inspired all of this?"

" We just hit it off so well, and he is easily the smartest guy here, he can easily keep up in literary conversations, he's a terrific chess player, and it just seems like recently he's avoiding me. He'll look at me then go and hide in whatever book he's reading. Not to mention he's drop dead fucking pretty. He's so tough, and rugged, he has these scars that look like stars, and his eyes are as green as freshly mowed grass, his hair the color of pale wheat. He is just so damn fucking perfect it hurts! I don't know why I feel like this Charlie! I've been straight for 38 fucking years!" 

He was straight? Yet with how he just described me, it was flattering, and I'd be lying it it didn't make me blush. I hear Charlie give a small laugh, before she speaks. 

" Oh Sam, you are such a lovesick puppy! Just tell him! Who knows, he might be receptive."

" He's a catholic priest Charlie, his people are homophobic as fuck! Besides, why on this Chuck forsaken earth would he ever settle for an American college dropout like me?"

" Because I see a smart, strong, reliable man, who's seen the end of the world how many times, faced death how many times, and still kept fighting? You are the vessel for fucking Lucifer of all people! If he saw you right now he'd laugh at you. You are a damn good man, one I proudly call my brother and family. He'd be lucky to one day be a honorary Winchester. And besides, who knows, maybe that collar is just a front. You won't know unless you ask." 

" You're right, I should just man the fuck up and talk to him. Do you know where he is?" 

" Outside, library, or his room. Pick one." 

" Fair. I'm gonna go talk to him. Maybe-" 

I left as quietly as I could and made my way outside. It was night and the cool air of the Kansas summer nights were just perfect for me to cool off and breathe. I had gone up to the knoll where we had our first beer, and sat down, muttering to myself how it would possibly go. I took a deep breath, and sighed, a sudden sharp pain to the back of my head blurring my vision, before going black.