Estrella

9//From me to you

Elle's POV

If you treat me like shit I will cut you out of my life, simple as that. I don't expect you to like me, but don't you dare think you have the audacity to see yourself as superior to me or think you can treat me however the fuck you want because guess what you don't.

.

Andy and I have been talking a lot lately, he's shown me what kind of person he really is. He's trustworthy, super nice, respectful, cool, intelligent, protective, and he has a great taste in music. He's definitely someone I wanna keep in my life. Throughout talking to him this whole time my feelings for him have only grown. I'm not sure what they are I just known that they're there. And honestly the fact that I have feelings for anyone scares me because I'm a grenade. I hurt everyone around me. And I cannot stand to hurt him he's too nice and too good of a person to me. Andy is the last person I would ever want to hurt and I know it will happen at some point which really scares me.

My phone buzzed while I was laying on my bed. I stomach churned with excitement as I saw it from Andy.
Andy: hey
Me: hey
Andy: r u busy?
Me: no why?
Andy: wanna come over
Me: yea I'll be there in 10 mins

I got off my ass then changed out of my spanx and put on a pair of shorts and a t shirt then threw my hair into a messy bun.

"Casey I'm gonna go hang out at Andy's house," I said putting my flip flops on.

"Okay," she said turning back to her computer. I walked out to my jeep then drove to Andy's house. Every time I walk up to his front door I still get nervous.

"Hey," he said opening the door and giving me a hug.

"Hey." I replied then we walked into Andy's room full of posters just like mine.

"Hey can I ask you something?" Andy asked.

"Yeah." I replied

"Do you trust me?"

I had to think for a moment. Trust for me is very hard and it's always been even before I went to Juvy it was extremely hard for me to trust anyone. It's both a blessing and a curse because it keeps me from getting betrayed, most of the time, but it also hurts some of the friendships I have. The only people I fully trust are Austin, Jake, Casey, and Sawyer. I trust CC, Kellin, Vic, Oli, and all them but only to a certain extent. They've never really done anything that would make me not want to trust them I just have really thick walls and really really bad trust issues.

"To be honest Andy I don't trust anyone. The only people I fully trust are Austin, Jake, Casey, and Sawyer. I have extremely bad trust issues and that has always been a problem for me. I trust Oli, Kellin, and all of them with a lot, but not everything. I don't know why, but I've always been like that. It's probably because I'm such a troubled kid. I think it was because of that night when I got blamed for killing Francisco. I trusted those guys to protect me but instead I got thrown under the bus." I explained, "But weird part is, with you I don't get that feeling of not being able to trust you. It goes away. You reassure me. That scares me."

"Why?" He asked.

"Because I'm a grenade; I hurt everyone close me. When I went to Juvy that tore people apart. Jake, Austin, Casey, and Sawyer couldn't even look me in the eye when I got back at first. I think I was more excited to see them then they were to see me. I look at Casey and Sawyer and Austin and all my friends and I see the pain inside their eyes from my mistake. I can't have that happen to you too."

Andy paused for a moment. "You're afraid of yourself."

I had never thought about it like that. But it's true. I'm terrified of myself.

"Either you're afraid of yourself or getting hurt by other people so you push them away." Andy explained.

Everything he is saying is true.

"It's really complicated." I told him.

"I can manage."

And here I go again not being able to resist telling Andy things.

"I have a fear of abandonment because my dad left my mom when she was pregnant with Austin and I, my mom is in a mental asylum or something because she became some type of druggie or tried to kill herself and went crazy. Something like that. I have no idea where my older brother is, we never met him. I got blamed for a crime that didn't commit and I have been backstabbed and left a few times. Then there's all the foster families that gave Austin and I up before Casey and Sawyer got us. And all those foster families had told us that we could trust them, and that they would care and love us, but all they did was leave us like everyone else. So my trust is practically ruined which makes me push people away. I am also afraid of myself because I hurt people so I push them away but either way they get hurt which haunts me. Anywhere I go around here no matter what I hurt people. I wanna get away. I wanna leave this horrible place filled with bad memories and go somewhere far away. Somewhere new where no one knows me and the things I have done so I can start over with a new life." I explained.

After that I just sat there leaning against the wall and didn't say a word. All the memories and thoughts rushing through my mind in a blur, the countless times I've looked at someone and saw the pain in their eyes that I caused, and that night when Francisco was killed was playing in my head like a movie. I couldn't stop my mind from reliving that nightmare.

"Estrella..." Andy began. "Come here," he said opening his arms. I scooted closer to him then gave him a hug as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Hey," He said taking my face in his hands staring at me straight in the eyes. "From me to you, I will always be right here for you I promise."

I knew he was serious. And I know Andy isn't one to go breaking promises but this one scares me. I don't want to lose him.

"Don't make yourself a promise so big you can't keep it." I told him.

"If it's to you the size doesn't matter," Andy said then embraced me in a hug.

Being a natural born skeptic is both a blessing a curse. I wish I could just trust what people tell me but I can't. It makes myself very frustrating which sucks horribly, but at the same time it keeps me from getting hurt. Most of the time. I really really want to trust Andy, but there's this feeling that I have that I can't and I don't know where it's coming from because he has never done anything to show that he was unfaithful. I want to trust him. What's holding me back?

Hey guys I'm so sorry I've taken so long to update Jesus. I really hope you liked this chapter and Happy Easter everyone. Please comment your opinions. Ight I will update soon!

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