Estrella

7//American Tragety: story of a psycho

The world is full of sinners just like me.

Elle's POV

You cannot expect to come back from Juvy and everyone will just welcome you back with open arms. It doesn't work like that. Everyone is afraid of you and always always talks about you then makes up rumors that aren't true. You get called things like psycho or sociopath or killer or danger if everyone knows what you did.
Even though it's been almost a month it takes a long time for people to trust you again.
Some may never treat you the same again. In fact most do that.

You walk down the halls at school and everyone is afraid to look at you, talk to you, bump shoulders with you on accident, just make any contact with you whatsoever. It's heartbreaking and very very frustrating. I practically can't talk to anyone because they run away from me.

I walk down those halls feeling so alone and empty inside. I feel so out of place everywhere in this fucked up town.

As I walked out of my second period History class there was a group of kids standing outside of the classroom. I bet you can already guess what is going to happen. As soon as I walked out of the class they started yelling at me "hey freak!" "What's up psycho!" "Sociopath!" "Cmon what are you gonna do now kill me?" "C'mon now killer scare me a little. Be the little psychopath you really are and give us a little scare will ya."
Then the little voices in my head started screaming at me as well. Flash backs of some of my closest friends saying that to me started playing a little movie in my head. More people joined in with that group of people and started calling me psycho too. I tried to walk away, but they would follow me. It never went away. I was surrounded by these voices and people all calling me these things. I couldn't escape. My heart was beating faster and faster, my eyes were scanning the campus for somewhere to go and escape but I couldn't find a place to hide. I started to panic even more. Then they began pushing me and I had completely lost it. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I cannot hold these back any longer no matter how hard I try. The tears just started to pour out of my eyes. I screamed in frustration and anger and sadness. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I ran, oh I ran straight to my jeep I don't care if it's third period or not I am going home right now. Fumbling the keys I started the car as fast as I could then jammed home tears running down my face then the sky began to cry with me as well.

I sprinted inside my house and up to my room then threw my backpack in my room and began just grabbing at whatever was in my reach tore it off of the wall or my desk, trying to get a grip. I could hear the voices in my head getting louder and louder just screaming at me. I was grabbing everything I could see and just threw it across the room crying and shaking until I picked up a picture of Austin and I hugging the day I came back home. I remember it was the first time I saw him in a really long time. I ran up to Austin as fast as I could, dropped my stuff, and jumped into his arms. That was the happiest I have ever been. When I saw that picture I screamed as loud as I could then collapsed into a ball on the floor with random papers and things then cried in my room that had just gotten completely trashed.

What did I do to fuck my life up so much? Why did this happen? Why do I deserve this? Why did I have to work for them? All these questions kept running through my mind as I lay here on the floor in agony. I kept telling myself "stop crying" as I laid there but to no avail I continued to sob. What do I do? I was so confused and upset I couldn't think. After about 15-20 minutes of laying there in agony as the voices in my head continued to scream at me someone walked into my house. It's either Casey or Sawyer and they ran straight up to my room. I guess someone knew I went home early.

"Estrella!" Casey yelled as she saw me on the floor then rushed to my side and had me sit up. "What happened?" She asked bewildered.

I just my head in my hands shaking and crying then screamed "I can't do this shit anymore!"

I couldn't find a way to make it stop or stop the tears from spilling out of my eyes. I couldn't stop shaking and the voices in my head wouldn't sop talking.
"Make it stop make it stop oh dear god please make it fucking stop!" Was all I thought.
Sawyer, Austin, and Jake all walked in as well and sat down beside me.

"What happened?" Sawyer asked.

"I-I dunno I got Austin's text then rushed over here and she was laying on the floor screaming and shaking and crying." Casey explained.

"Estrella," Jake said taking my hands away from my face and sitting down on his knees in front of me. "Please Please please talk to me. I cannot see you like this, it kills me and I know how much it takes to do this to you. What happened, dear god Estrella please tell me."

Jake always uses my full name when something is really serious but even still he calls me "Estrella" sometimes.

"What didn't freakin happen?" I choked out.

"Estrella explain to me everything that happened today," Austin said sitting next to me.

"I look at people and all I can see is the terror in their eyes. Some won't even look at me. They make a huge lane for me in the hallway because they are all afraid to even touch me or be around me. Someone accidentally grazes their shoulder against mine and then they run away for their life. In class teachers won't even talk to me, they act like I'm not there and then if they do they look like they are ready to sprint out of the classroom. I try to talk to people then they just start panicking and run away. There's this group of kids who every fucking day they follow me around and wait outside my classes and scream at me killer, psychopath, sociopath, danger, freak and then they try to egg me on and get me do something. They all form a group around me and yell all these things at me. Go back to jail and shit like that. Okay I can't do this shit anymore. I can't just go to school where no one will talk to me or even look at me because they are so afraid. I can't just walk around and see the pain that I cause other people anymore. I hate feeling like this. The agony and the crying that all comes with it. I can't do this anymore."

All of them were speechless. I cannot tell if that is a good or bad thing.

"Look Estrella we will talk to the principal and see if he can do anything." Sawyer told me.

"Oh come one Sawyer they're not going to do shit, they're scared of her can't you see that. They don't even look at her!" Austin yelled.

"Stop crying" I told myself mentally. "Make it stop please please please make it stop."

The tears would not stop rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't stop shaking.

Monsters don't sleep under your bed they sleep inside your head.

Hey guys! I'm so fucking sorry I have taken so long to update!!!!!!!! I promise I will update more often and I'm sorry this chapter was so depressing. Updates are taking longer because of school which sucks ass btw. I love you and thank you for reading.
Other books:

Battle Born (Niall Horan)
Live and Let Die - sequel to Battle Born ^
Pool Q || Luke Hemmings ||