Joshaya Oneshots

I Fell For It

TW// mentions of suicide and self harm

Maya's POV

He promised the world and I fell for it.

I fell for every stupid lie.

I fell for every time those three little words left his lip. I even said it back.

Now I had nothing. I felt like nothing.

How could he.

I just beg he doesn't do this to anyone else. It broke me even more.

"Maya." I looked up when I heard my name being called.

I had been sat in the spare room of my mom and dad's new apartment, that got turned into an art and photography studio, looking through old photos. Photos of Josh and I. This one time he took me to a drive in to see Mamma Mia being shown and it was the best night ever. We sat and sang in the front seats of his car.

"Maya." My mom called my name again.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Josh wants to see you. He's in the kitchen talking to Shawn." She smiled weekly as she leant against my door frame.

"Mom I can't, not like this." I was sat with mascara smudged under my eyes wearing black leggings, black fluffy socks and a black oversized hoodie on, with the huffs over my hands.

"Maya, please talk to him, you have barely spoke to Riley, you just need to talk to someone. You know what, I'm sending him up."

"Mom-" Before I could do anything she had left the doorway and was making her way to the kitchen.

I felt sick.

How was I meant to face him.

I shut my photo albums and shoved them away in the drawer of the desk

"Hey." Josh said calmly as he came into the room.

Shit. One look at him and all I wanted to do was throw myself in his arms and cry and for him to rub my back and tell me everything was going to be okay. I didn't use to be like this and I hate it.

"H-hi." I gulped and felt tears in my eyes. I hate this. "Let's go to my room." He nodded and followed me. I shut the door and sat on my bed. He just awkwardly stood with his hands in his pockets. Until he noticed the mascara marks.

"Hey," He grabbed a makeup wipe and started trying to wipe it away. But I just broke down into tears. He put the wipe down and sat beside me, putting his arm around my shoulder. "I got you." He whispered.

"He said he would be there for me, he wouldn't cause me harm, that he wouldn't hurt me. Why was I so stupid?" I whispered.

"You don't deserve this. Can you tell me what happened? Riley said she doesn't even know, Maya, please tell me it isn't that bad."

"He use to, um, he would force me into things I didn't want to do-"

"What?" He said a little louder than I would've wanted him too.

"Not physically I guess, I haven't done it if you're worried about that. B-But he would, he would threaten to leave because I wasn't being what he needed me to be, so he," I took a deep breath and stared at the floor, "he would make me hurt myself as punishment. That way he wasn't the one hurting me."

"Maya, what the fuck, I'm so sorry. Is, um, is it bad?" I shook my head. "Who knows?"

"You." I put my hand up to my mouth and started biting my nails.

"Why me? I'm glad you trust me but there's Riley, your mom-"

"No. They can't know, they'll make me go to the cops and I'll have to show them and go to the hospital and I can't Josh. You're easy to talk to - you don't make me go tell someone else, you suggest it and ask me but don't be like 'oh if you don't tell someone I will,' you actually listen to me." He moved a little closer and hugged me.

"I'd never make you do something you aren't comfortable with or aren't read for, because I'd like to think I'm a decent human being."

"You are." I held him closer for a few second s before pulling a away and going to my old sketch book from my book shelf. "I wasn't going to show anyone this." I pulled out a couple  pieces of paper and handed one to him. He unfolded it and started to reading it.

"What is this?" He looked up at me while glossy eyes.

"A thank you for everything letter. I was so low and I couldn't-" I shook my head and he stood up and hugged me.

"I'm going to help you. But also, come sit." I followed him and sat down on my bed. "You're nineteen," I nodded, "I think we should out a pause on someday."

"What? Why? Is it 'cause I'm broken-

"No Maya, of course not. I still like you but it's not our time. We both know you need a friend more than a boyfriend right now and I wanna be there for you if you'll let me. I really want to help you through this." I weekly smiled at him.

"Thank you. Let's do it. Let's get thought it together." For the first time in a long while I genuinely smiled.

The only way I could be truly happy is if he's out of my while and all the memories are gone and replaced with happy ones with my friends.

A/N: I wrote this a while ago when 'Lose You To Love Me' came out. I apologise its quite sad and I'll try write some more upbeat oneshots asap!!