Bloodstained Memories

6

It had been almost a day. 24 hour whole hours. 

The Monastery of Spinjitzu was silent. No birds flew over chirping. The trees didn't sway lightly in the breeze. The clouds didn't pass over. Everything was still. It was like the entire world had stopped. 

No one was home. Well actually there was one person but did they really count if they already felt like a nobody? 

The curtains were drawn. The lights were off. The door was locked. She blocked out all aspects of the world as possible. There was little sunlight peaking through the gaps in the curtains but nothing more. 

She sat there silently, her knees up to her chest. She stared blankly at the dark walls. What else was there to do?

Her hair was greasy. Her clothes were relatively dirty. And she was much skinnier than before. The bags under her eyes were like demons. 

For most of the day, her mind was blank. She had no emotion. But for other times... her thoughts were a rollercoaster. Guilt, realisation and stress flooded in and she couldn't handle it at most times. Tear stains were all over her cheeks and on her black hoodie. 

She didn't want help. She didn't need it. At least that's what she thought.

There was one specific phrase in her mind at this moment however. 

You're a sick person. 

No. She wasn't a sick person. Sick wasn't the right word. It only made it sound like there was a cure. 

She kept telling herself to ignore the voices in her head but they were overpowering. Their only purpose was to make her feel like crap. She deserved it of course but the negative thoughts being constantly thrown at her 24/7 was definitely taking its toll on her. 

What was she to do? 

She had destroyed herself. And now there was only one thing that she wanted yet she could never bring herself to do it. She didn't want to move from her chair. It made her feel safer somehow, even though she was still in so much pain.

Why still be here when she didn't want to?

For some reason, she liked the darkness. There was something to the feeling of not knowing her surroundings, not seeing the true colour of things as they appear. There was something about the unknown, the quiet, the cold. There was something about the unspoken dark. Something that could never be put into words. She loved it. Everything seemed so... grey... in the dark. It reflected her mood well.

Who even was she anymore?

She missed Jay. A lot. She knew she made the right decision by breaking up with him yet she still felt so bad. Now she was overthinking it all. Why did she even break up with him? She had learnt from this experience, right? She had learnt to never hurt him. Yet she still couldn't bring herself to see him again. She couldn't bring herself get back with him. 

She couldn't bare sit there any longer. That chair was annoying her. That room was annoying her. She slowly got out the chair, putting one foot gently on the floor at a time. She made her way to the door, took a deep breath and opened it. She stepped out, closed the door behind her slowly and crossed her arms as if it was cold, even though she was boiling hot if anything. 

No one else was home; at least that's what she assumed. After making her way outside, she took in some of the fresh air and stood there by the main door for a moment, trying to adjust to the new lighting. It was getting quite late; the sun was setting. 

Five minutes had passed before she finally headed over to the main gate and sat down on the top step. This had been the first time she had properly been outside. Well kind of. She promised herself that she'd stay in that room. But look where she was now. 

It was actually rather refreshing. 

"Nya."

She turned her head a little, spotting her brother stood a few meters behind her. She wasn't surprised that he was there to be honest. She kind of expected it. 

She sighed and turned back to looking out at the view. 

Kai made his way over to her and sat on the same step, leaving her a little space so she didn't completely freak out at him.

"It's nice to see you out of your room," He gave her a slight smile.

She stared down at the floor in front of her, ignoring her brother. She knew Jay would've spoken to him or at least tried to. She knew why he was there and she wasn't in the mood for it. 

He cleared his throat, "The police spoke to Jay."

She turned her head a little, looking at her brother through the corner of her eye. She already knew what was coming next. The police were coming for her. It was obvious. After what she had done, there was no way Jay could keep quiet about it. She was surprised Kai had kept it a secret this long.

"He told them he didn't remember," He finished.

She frowned. Why would he do that? Why would he still lie to the police? He could have her locked up but instead he'd rather keep a psycho killer on the loose, walking around Ninjago like nothing happened. Who would she hurt next? She was an elemental master. She was capable of so much damage. 

"He really cares about you, sis," He sighed, "He doesn't want you to get sent down for something you didn't mean to do."

"I don't get it..." She murmured.

"Don't get what?" He questioned.

"Why he'd lie," She responded quietly, her voice croaky.

"Because he loves you," He stated.

She shook her head in disgust. How can he still love her after all this? How can he not be angry? It made no sense to her. And it probably never will. Kai understood why she broke up with him but he most certainly didn't agree with shutting herself away from everyone that loves and cares about her. It was not only affecting her but everyone around her too. 

"Look, I know it isn't what you want to hear right now," Kai's voice turned stern, "But you need to stop thinking about yourself for once. I get that your head is a mess but just take some time to think about how others feel too. How do you think I am? It's killing me. I have to keep all this a secret and all I ever feel is guilty."

"No one's forcing you keep it a secret anymore, Kai," She groaned quietly.

"Right. So that's it then, is it? I'm supposed to just go to the police and say 'hey my sister is a psycho who tried to kill her boyfriend' am I?" Kai snapped.

"I don't care," She responded harshly.

"Great. Then I'll go do that," Kai replied sharply, standing up and making his way down the steps.

"Have fun with that," She rolled her eyes.

What had she done? Now she was definitely going down for good. Yes, she was angry at herself. Yes, she knew that she should be in prison right now. But she also knew that she wouldn't last a day in there. Why was she encouraging him to tell the truth? She never wanted to hurt Kai either. She never wanted to drag him into this. But now she was worried. She was worried about her future. What was going to happen now?