Bloodstained Memories

5

Nya couldn't find much left to live for anymore. She didn't really have anything. Except her guilt and pain. The thoughts circling around in her head made her feel weaker than ever before.

She had almost killed someone. Not just anyone, but her boyfriend. The person she loved the most. No one does that. NO ONE. So why did she? Why did the idea even come into her head? Who would even dare hurt someone that they not only cared about but loved dearly? Nya. Nya would.

She was still confused why. She never dreamt of hurting Jay, especially after breaking his heart during the events of Rebooted. She never dreamt of hurting anyone but someone who hurt her loved ones. That's why she only dreamt of hurting herself.

But she didn't. She couldn't. She never brought herself to do it. Sure the guilt was killing her but hurting herself would only make her feel better. Would it? That's what she thought anyway. She thought it would be more painful to just let her sit with the thoughts in her head. It took her a lot but she needed to deal with it. She needed to suffer the consequences of her actions someway.

Kai helped out as much as he could no matter how horrible he felt about keeping it a secret. She really needed her brother right now and he knew that. She was important to him. She was grateful for him. But it was breaking him down from the inside. It was killing him slowly. It pained him to not be able to talk about it. It really did.

Nya spent most days in her room alone. Just thinking. That's all she would do. She didn't have much else to do anyway. She felt that if she was around other people then she'd let something slip either accidentally or on purpose. She couldn't let that happen. Locking herself up was the only option. Kai came to check on her every now and again. He didn't say much though.

She'd cut down the amount she was eating. She was becoming thinner and everyone could see that. It was hard for her to think straight. Crying was the only thing she knew how to do now. Just cry. How else would she pass the time?

She couldn't bare look in the mirror either. Who would she be looking at? Nya or some psycho killer that deserved to be locked up? She couldn't decide whether the psycho killer was just within her or not. Where had this behaviour even come from? She'd never thought about murder. Not that Jay was dead or anything, but it didn't mean he couldn't take a turn for the worst and leave the world for good. That's the last thing she wanted.

She also felt sick. She hated the thought of hurting him or anyone ever again. Jay was one of the most important people to her and to know that she had physically hurt him like that... how would she be able to live with the guilt? She wouldn't. She could never.

Moving on wasn't an option for her or Jay. If he remembered what had happened... how she had hurt him... how could he forgive her? That emotional pain would never leave. Never. It's like throwing a stone in the sea. Yet you have no idea how deep it will go. You'll never be able to know how much pain someone truly is in. Just like Jay. How would he be feeling right now? His girlfriend, the love of his life, the person he trusted the most, had almost killed him. Stabbed him. There's no moving on from that.

All she could think about was the pain she'd caused him throughout their time together.

You see that boy? He looked so happy, right? Telling jokes, smiling, laughing, having a great time and dying inside. He's hurt. He's tired. Maybe he was tired of all the drama, tired of not feeling good enough for anyone. Maybe he was just tired of life in general. But no one would ever know that because he was good at hiding it. Nya wasn't. Maybe he didn't want to look hurt, dramatic, attention seeking. So he'd just keep it all inside. That's what hurt her the most right now. What if he was still hurt over everything? She had no idea. Maybe he acted like he was perfectly fine but cried at night when no one was watching. When no one was around. So everybody would think that he's the happiest person on the planet. Telling his jokes and laughing along but really deep deep down, he's still hurt. He'd always been hurt. And no one knew the truth but him. And it hurt her. A lot.