Not Your Therapist

Part 19

It was a quiet evening when I reached home. Ian was sleeping on the left side on our king size bed. I wondered in the dark, the vanity of my situation. I was so much of myself. Maybe I did all this because of my selfish deeds ? But that wouldn't be true. I loved him. I love him. Was I only doing this for myself ? Was I vain ? What Ed said today, the way he said it. Broke my heart. I was almost near to tell him that I loved him. To tell him - Ed, I am all yours.

I sat beside Ian sleeping, I sank my face in both of my hands. Sobbing. I was a selfish bastard. I was giving away my only love. I was hurting the person I love. I couldn't tell him the truth. It soon creeped on me as a terrible fear, would Ed forgive me after he knew I hid this from him all this while ? Would he accept me ? Would he forgive me ? Would he then love me the way he does now ?

I felt that ray of hope diminishing. I cried softly, controlling my emotions. I didn't want an audience. Specially Ian. I sighed. God.. Help me. Please. Tell me what to do. Please. I love him. So much. I want to be with him. Please help me. Help me. I repeated in my head as a mantra. Begging for a solution from god. I wasn't a devote. But I felt it was worth a shot. I was perturbed.

I heard a whisper, maybe it was Ian, maybe it was in my mind? or maybe, just maybe, god ? I looked back at him, He was peacefully sleeping. Go to bed Josh..

In my incoherent mind, I laid on my side, wiping my tears and closing my tired eyes. Even though, I wasn't high, my body carried heavy weight of weary. I sighed, losing myself into unconscious, helpless from the situation I was drowning in.

I felt like just a few seconds past by when I felt the light on my face, through my bedroom window. I groaned, cursed on my bed, rolling over.

"That's explains the night. Cursing in the morning is definitely not a good sign. " I heard Ian say.

"It is a Saturday..." I whined while continuing my sleep in the most comfortable position, curling my hands beneath my neck comfy and lying on my stomach with my left leg lifted a bit. I heard Ian laugh.

I still had my eyes closed. "Don't be happy too soon. You have to meet Ed today." I grumbled in my sleep.

"You're a mood destroyer" I heard him sighing. I smiled in my sleep, waving my hand to shoo him away. "I know. And an asshole. So, Go away...lemme sleep "

"Fine..." He walked away, towards the door. I opened my eyes in sudden worry, and turned, sat back right up, "Ian!!" Ian stopped with my sudden loud voice.

Ian turned back and looked at me, waiting for me to complete. "Please behave.. " I weakly smiled.

He rolled his eyes, "Wish me luck.." He turned, closing the door behind him. I shouted back before he could close the door, "Luck!!"

I knew I annoyed him, but I was his best friend, I had a right. I flew back in my bed, worrying, Hope everything turns out fine.. Hope Ed gives him a chance. I pulled my quilt over me, resuming my troubled sleep.

Ed POV

I was sitting in the café waiting for 10 mins, I was getting frustrated. I decided to call Josh, he picked up after two rings, He sounded drowsy, Was he sleeping ?

"Hello.."

"Josh?" I asked, I heard a sudden commotion from the other side, a squeaky high pitched voice, "Ed!? What happened? Everything all right !? " His panic was quite comical and I controlled my laughter. He was definitely sleeping.

"Well... Yes, something did happen. And are you sleeping ? It's 2 in the afternoon."

"Oh comon! It is a Saturday! Why is everyone having a problem with that.. And by the way, I had to drop someone home because that someone wasn't in his senses" He grumbled, I chuckled low.