Rescue Me [H.S.]

1. The Meeting

1. The Meeting

Today is the day. I have to see them before I will make that one cut that will be a little too deep. It has been my dream ever since the first video diary to see them and I need my dream to come true, before I will leave this world. What a pathetic dream; to see some boys, I think with a heavy sigh as I walk towards the building they are in, signing their new cds.

* * * 

The sound of hundreds of screaming girls overwhelms me. All the girls look perfect - skinny, flawless make-up, and in fashionable clothes. I look like a troll compared to them. But no one ever notices me and I guess being invisible finally pays off.

The queue is quickly getting smaller and smaller and I can finally see the boys. They look exhausted, but happy. How wonderful it must be to feel happy, I think with a sigh, as I watch Harry. He has always been my favorite, even though I have no idea why. Is it his dimples? His curly hair? His deep voice? I don't know. Suddenly my blue eyes look into a pair of sparkling green eyes. Harry's. His dimples suddenly show up and I can't help but to smile back.

Suddenly, I am up in front of the boys - a girl has just given Louis a carrot.

"You must really hate carrots now," I blurt out and to my surprise, Louis smiles and gives me a small nod. It all goes too fast and suddenly I am in front of the last boy - Harry.

"Hi, Love," he says, not even looking up from the cd he is signing.

"Hi," I murmur quietly.

I feel a disappointment even though I know I shouldn't. What did I expect? That he will remember that he had smiled at me, and so what if he had? He probably smiles to all girls, says my brain, but my heart doesn't listen.

Out of habit I touch my wrist. My scars.

"You want an autograph on your arm," says Harry matter-of-factly, takes my arm, and rolls up my sleeve.

"No-" I start, but too late. I see his frown and hear, "oh".

He looks at me with pity in his eyes, but I don't want his pity. The queue stops because of me - standing in front of Harry, who is still holding my arm and a look of disbelief on his face. He can't understand why I cut. In fact, neither do I.

"Mate, you gotta let her go for now, but you could get her phone number instead of stopping the whole queue," says Louis in a very loud whisper voice with a big smile on his face.

He obviously hasn't seen my cuts. I manage to give him a little smile, and I start to back away. I don't want Harry to reject me in front of all the boys, and I do not want him to share what he had just seen.

"Quick, mate, she's getting away," Louis adds in a teasing voice to Harry, who just looks at me, still speechless.

"Well, do I have to do everything for you?" says Louis, still with a wide smile. "Can I get your phone number for Harry?"

Now it is my turn to be speechless.

"Ehm.. He doesn't want it," I say.

The whole room have gone quiet, as quiet as it can when there are hundreds of girls, and all eyes are on me, Louis, and Harry - or so it feels. Louis chuckles and shakes his head. I don't get why, as his best friend, Louis doesn't get that Harry doesn't want my number.

Harry finally finds his voice: "He's not gonna give up."

My first thought, and how wonderful it is to think like that, is that he actually wants my phone number. But then I remember the pity in his eyes and my next thought is that I am just like a charity case for him. 

The room still feels too quiet, and I am sure everyone can hear my heart pounding. How can I say, in front of all these people that I don't have a phone, because I can't afford it? I force myself to look away from Harry's sparkling green eyes, because how could I possibly say no to him? The noise of the screaming girls comes back.

"I don't think-" I start but Louis cuts me off.

"Are you coming to the concert tonight?" he asks. The truth is that the tickets were way too expensive, but my dignity forbids me to say that, so I just shake my head as an answer.

"Theeeeen..." Louis says and a cheeky smile appears on his face, as he turns his head to look at Harry, then Paul.

They all exchanged looks and Paul hurries forward to them and gives Harry something.

"What a coincidence! I got two free tickets to the front row right here!" exclaims Harry and discreetly hands me two tickets. It's nice that he actually thinks I got a friend who would go with me.

Harry stands up and in slowmotion I see him open his arms and hugs me. I normally don't like people touching me, but this hug feels just right.

"If you want me to keep your cuts a secret, I will," he whispers in my ear.

"Thanks," I murmur.

"Management is gonna come in a sec, but please don't cut, and I'll talk to you tonight, okay?"

I nod and I can't help feeling like I'm worth something, because for a second I actually think he sounded worried about me.