Rescue Me [H.S.]

2. "Perfect to Live"

"I'm gonna do it tonight. After the concert," I say out loud to myself while looking in a mirror. My hideous reflection stares back at me, dull, lifeless blue eyes, and messy hair, and I feel disgusted. Why don't I look like all the other girls? All my life I have been trying to be the perfect daughter, the perfect friend — and I have failed. Now I can't see anything that can be worth living for. Except for just this concert.

"Your hand fits in mine..." My favourite song starts. At first "What Makes You Beautiful" was my favourite song, because it could make me feel beautiful for 3 minutes and 22 seconds, but after some mean, but true, comments from my classmates, I realized that I wasn't beautiful and never will be. I'm sitting almost front row, and even though the crowd has been screaming like crazy, it's so quiet and peaceful in this moment. This perfect moment. Harry starts singing and I look directly into his green eyes and it's like time stops, and he is singing to me.

 "I don't think you've ever loved the sound of your voice on tape,

you never want to know how much you weigh,

you still have to squeeze into your jeans,

but.. you're perfect to live,"

I think I might be the only one who noticed the small change of lyrics, except for Louis and Niall who looks at Harry a bit weirdly. "Stop, stop!" Harry shouts and the music stops. "I think... We should bring someone on stage." Louis starts giggling like a 14 year-old schoolgirl and then looks at me with a cheeky smile. The realization of what was about to happen made me feel anxious. "What about..." For the first time ever did looking into Harry's eyes not calm me down. "... you."

The next thing I know, a guard gets to me and somehow I end up on the stage, the spotlight is blinding me." Just relax and don't look at the audience. Look at me," Harry murmurs and the song starts over. It's almost the same - just with the little fact that I am sitting in the gigantic sofa next to Harry and Louis. "Are you okay?" he asks. I answer with what I always say, and what's partly true; "I'm just tired." Tired of everything. Tired of living. Tired of trying to keep up the mask — the mask of happiness when it feels like I'm dying inside.

  

He shakes his head. "I'm gonna ask again. And please answer honestly. Are you okay?" It was almost his turn to sing, but he ignores the many annoyed stares of his band mates. It actually sounds like he cares, I think, and I know it's not because he's a good actor, so I answer truthfully: "No." And much to my dismay, my eyes start to tear up — my mask is falling apart

Then everything goes very quickly. Harry yells at a guard who walks me backstage, while tears are streaming down my face. The last thing I saw before being dragged backstage was the thousands phones who were filming my breakdown. I do not even care about my reputation anymore because I will be done with all that soon, but what if people will think the humiliating myself in front of thousands made me kill myself? And then they will blame Harry, because he was the one who picked me to go on stage.

I just need to get away from all the noise and people to think about it. I try to walk away, but a security guard stops me: "Harry wants to talk to you after the show." That only makes me want to disappear even more, but humiliating myself even more in front of Harry doesn't really matter and I know I have to apologize for my breakdown in the middle of the concert, so I wait.

//Look at the gif if you can in the sidebar, to imagine how he looks at her