the anatomy of love [BxB] COMPLETED

47

"Is it stupid to want Wes as my boyfriend?" Jackson asks abruptly.

Delilah raises an eyebrow; rightfully so, as this is quite a jump from their discussion on the technicalities of personality, namely the difference between the T and F in the Myers-Briggs test. They were having a riveting philosophical debate on emotion and thought when a lull in conversation reminded Jackson of the question that has been burning on his mind all day.

"Why would that be stupid?" Delilah replies.

"I don't know. I guess that was a dramatic question."

"Isn't the first, and won't be the last." Delilah's eyes sparkle teasingly. "So you want to be Wes's boyfriend?"

"Maybe. I want to, but I don't want to."

"Enlighten me on this contradiction."

"I want to be his boyfriend, but I feel naive to want it. But I also feel dumb when we act like boyfriends but then people ask if we're dating and I have to say no and come up with a reason that always makes me feel more dumb."

Delilah nods with a long sigh. "Love is complicated, isn't it. But sometimes we make love more complicated than it has to be. Do you love Wes?"

"Yes." Jackson feels his pulse jump just admitting it out loud.

"Are you willing to choose him every day?"

"Yes."

"Then all that's left to do is ask him."

"But what if he says no? What if I can still see him as long as I never have him?" And that's really the thing, isn't it? If he asks Wes, there's a chance he'll scare him away. Jackson doesn't know what's the lesser evil, scaring him away or never really being his.

"If he says no, honey, he says no." Then Delilah smiles daringly. "But what if he says yes?"

☆★☆

Wes does not text or call all day. If not for the horribly awkward conversation the night before, this wouldn't necessarily be a red flag.

Is he upset? Jackson is upset. Or at least, he thinks he feels upset. He mostly feels sick to his stomach all the time now, like waiting for a rollercoaster to drop but not knowing when.

He can't text Wes, right? That would be an apology, a confession, and he's not feeling very sorry, that's for sure. But then again, maybe Jackson was too cold with Wes. Maybe he misread all the aloofness and carelessness in a state of paranoia.

Maybe he should just give Wes more time and hope that he'll want to be Jackson's boyfriend as much as Jackson wants to be his. Or maybe they should talk it out.

No. Wes has had plenty of time, and talking it out gets them nowhere good. All that's left is the yes or no question. He's tried to hint at more, but Wes always eludes him. Sometimes, the pain of not knowing is worse than the actual rejection.

And that sometimes is feeling a lot like now these days.

With an air of extreme maturity, Jackson gives in and texts a meeting spot and time for tonight. Just a local pizza place, nothing fancy or secluded. Something normal. Neutral territory. He sends a question mark after to sound less aggressive; there's plenty of time for that later.

Surprisingly, Wes responds right away, like his phone had been in his hand.

I'll pick you up at 6.

Okay, great. That's a start. Jackson just hopes it ends well too.

Then he realizes it's nearly five and he hasn't showered or chosen his outfit or started that ten page paper for Econ that's definitely due in two days. Jackson shoots out of bed and beelines it to the shower.