the anatomy of love [BxB] COMPLETED

Author's Note

What is love? 

I struggle with answering this question, so I wrote this story. Jackson, in many ways, reflects certain doubts and beliefs that I myself hold about love and relationships. He gains and loses friends, he cannot keep a romantic partner, and his sense of identity has been broken from several childhood traumas. Often our lives will feel like an entanglement of knots and lose ends and thinning strings that make everything seem at the brink of falling apart, and still the world keeps turning. In the end, Jackson realizes the key is not trying to untie the knots and untangle every thread just so life will be easier, but to appreciate and understand how each knot and broken thread and lose end makes who you are and is necessary and beautiful for life and love. 

While this story indeed is about love and relationships, it is also about self acceptance and forgiveness. Jackson battles against his own internalized misogyny and homophobia that he learned growing up from his peers, media, and through his own perceptions of his parents. While Jackson thankfully had a positive experience coming out, he still carried a very hyper-masculine view of the world and himself, unconsciously despising anything feminine within him. Delilah shows him that in order to truly love and be vulnerable, you must love every part of yourself first, and slowly but surely Jackson dismantles the prejudices within himself and starts to see the world in a fuller, more vibrant way. 

And while this story is of course about self acceptance and forgiveness, it is ultimately about vulnerability and intimacy. These are the true paths to knowledge, to understanding and meaning, to a deeper meaning in life. And these are also the hardest paths, to truly be vulnerable, to reveal the most intimate parts of yourself when every instinct tells you to protect yourself. When Jackson learns to forgive his mother, he also learns that his mother is strong in her vulnerability, that love is never a weakness, but a sign of strength. 

Do you let someone hold a knife close to your heart? 

To love is to die.

Will you open yourself up to a love that speaks a timeless language? 

Intimacy is knowledge.

It is your choice, always. 

☆★☆

Thank you for reading my story. It means the world to me to see people engage with my characters and the mistakes they make and the love they give. So much time has gone into Jackson and all the pain and happiness he experiences that I experience right along side him, and you guys make it more than worth it. 

Please share what you think about the story! I love to hear your thoughts always. 

Until next time <3