Scandal | H.S.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟔

a/n: i know some of you are confused with what happened with the last two chapters, so i hope this one kind of clears it! :) enjoy!

McKenna Prentiss | January 15, 2018

And I've moved further than I thought I could
But I missed you more than I thought I would
And I'll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

And I'll use you as a makeshift gauge
Of how much to give and how much to take

I try to play softly on the piano, my fingers never stop pressing on the keys. It's been a week since my appearance at management, a week since Harry & I's "break up" was plastered all over social media, and a week since the paps caught me fainting outside my car.

As soon as I had woken up that day, my parents were constantly worried about me and my well-being. I told them it was probably a panic attack gone wrong, or it was just a heat-wave sort of thing, they kept insisting I get a check up, but I kept telling them there was no need, I was fine.

Oh, also, since that dreadful day at management's, I've locked myself in my studio and filled my journal with songs, and when I say filled, I literally mean filled.

I finally got into the momentum of writing and recording, all on my own. Sure I'm no music producer, that's why I left all the editing and mixing to Jamie. I told him that I wanted to record alone, and he hesitantly agreed, telling me that I record the songs separate from the instrumentals and just send it to him.

I found love where it wasn't supposed to be
Right in front of me
Talk some sense to me
I found love where it wasn't supposed to be
Here, in front of me
Talk some sense to me

I promised Jamie, and Harry, that I would include at least one ballad, but I never said it would be a falling in love type of ballad. I wrote this song the night of Harry and I's confrontation, and it was the first time that I didn't scratch out anything, this was written without any mistake or change.

Speaking of Harry, he's tried to text me the past couple of days, asking why I never told him about ending the stunt, or at least given him a heads up. I never got back to him, he's tried calling, but I never answered. As soon as he noticed that I was deliberately ignoring him, he started to get angry, saying how I had no right to act the way I did, and 'how dare I ignore him'.

His anger turned into remorse immediately, telling me how It's not what he meant, and that I should just forget what he said. But I knew better, I knew that as soon as the words came out of his mouth, he meant what he said in that moment, and as much as he'd like to take it back, he sure as hell can't take back the memories of me reading those texts.

This whole situation is confusing the hell out of me, and draining me, mentally and emotionally. Harry's confession about him hearing me tell Bella about my feelings is what made me confused. I thought our 'cuddly' nature in Disneyland was so that if people took photos, they could see how 'in-love' we were, I didn't think he had some real motives behind it. He had told me, since the very beginning, that it was Camille he had feelings for, why the sudden shift in emotion?

This is fucking with my head way more than it's fucking with my heart.

Even though him and I weren't in a real relationship, the PR stunt just made it feel real to me, and I hate it. I hate that I'm so quick to cling onto people who show me the teeniest bit of affection, I hate that I need other people's affirmations in order to believe that I am good enough, and that I am worthy.