Hangover number two. Adam peers around his room, awaked in his bed this time. He wasn't sure if he fell asleep at all. He realizes Behati was right next to him as he curled to one side while his back was facing hers. He looks at the clock sitting on his night stand. 4:00AM the clock read. The beginning of every sleepless night starts now. Correction, it has already started. Unlike his first hang over, he remembered last night as vividly as the physical chemistry of water. He closes his eyes tightly and hope that he'll forget, that the memories of the horrific night will fade away. He wish he could take it all back. But it's too late. He remembers exactly the way he pushed Christina with such force, she fell to the ground, helpless. He saw the hurt written across her face. The pain bubbling in her eyes. He knew he done it. He knew he pushed her. He knew he was wrong. He knew he was at fault to the point of no return. Adam curled into a ball, hugging his knees into his chest as he felt disgusted with himself. His tears begins to fall. Truth is, he hates himself. It all began with him. If he didn't misconstrued what happened at The Voice Series finale party, he would've had his happy ever after. Assumptions are such a necessary evil. Everyone assumes and like every assumption, followed by actions, comes consequences. He singled handily push away the one person that gets him in a way that no girl has ever come close. They didn't even make an indentation. Christina was just a whole different ball game. And then, he goes and do this. He became the one thing that she despised. Drunk and repulsive. He promised that he'll never hurt her, that he'll always protect her and that he'll shelter her from pain. He never thought that it'll lead to this where he's lying in bed, guilty with broken promises. Last night, sentiments, echoed clearly in his ears as Adam remembered the verbal abuse he couldn't believe he said to Christina.
“Oh sweetheart. We broke up long time ago. You’re realizing that now?“
"She’s yours. I don’t want used products. And frankly, I hate leftovers.“
Adam's lips begin to quiver as goosebumps begin appearing on his arms. He begins to shake uncontrollably. He felt the bruises on his cheeks. He felt the cuts on his lip. He felt the intense punched in his stomach. Above all, he felt his heart slathered with blood as a million of darts shot through it. Today is the beginning of the aftermath of yesterday suicide.
The beginning of facing the ghosts of his shadows.
The beginning of drowning in his mistakes.
The beginning of losing.
The beginning of suffocating.
The beginning of goodbye.
Adam couldn't take it. He felt this tremendous weight gauging at his heart. He felt his esophagus closing. Suddenly he felt as if his windpipe got dislodge and he needed oxygen. He couldn't breath. He quickly shot up from his bed, putting on his sweater and scurried out to his balcony. Closing the sliding door behind him, Adam fell down to his knees, overlooking the beautiful view of Los Angeles. Breathing heavily, he gasps for air as if he was holding his breath under water for a really long time. He held onto the railing of his balcony as if he remembered like it was yesterday. This was the balcony that he and Christina spend the night watching the sunset discussing about the future. They were wrapped in warm blankets while Adam trapped Christina between his legs as she fell effortless in his arms, resting her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her while the two held hands.
"I wish we could always stay like this forever." Adam whispers into Christina's ears, wrapping her tight in his embrace as if she were planning to make any attempt to escape.
"Forever?" Christina questions while smiling. "Forever is a long time, babe. Are you sure you want to make that kind of commitment?"
"If you were to ask me that five years ago, I would've said no." Adam stated honestly but then he shifted his head to the side and looks at Christina with a serious intense pair of eyes. "But then you came along and changed everything about my life. I want my life to begin with you. And I want my life to end with you. I can't imagine my life without you, Christina."
