Dead to me // Colby Brock

039 • 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 •

I laid down on my bed as I studied the pale white wall in front of me as if it was the most interesting thing I've seen today. It was around three in the afternoon right now and somehow I've managed to convince everyone that I was still sleeping but in reality, I just didn't want to face anyone after last night.

Honestly, I don't know how I feel towards Colby anymore. One second we are all over each other like teenagers still in high school and then the next we are pretending the other person doesn't even exist.

Deep down I knew I couldn't like him but I couldn't help myself. Colby just had something about him that made me so interested in him.

Even if he had made me feel like shit.

I pulled the creamy white covers close to my head as I tried to drown out the voice and bangs throughout the house. As I pulled the covers close to my body I noticed the scent of Colby's strong cologne mixed in with them meaning that he was laying down here before Brennen and I had arrived.

Huffing, I pushed the cover off of my body in frustration before my attention was pulled towards the bedroom's door handle which was suddenly twitching. My heart rate started to pick up as I tossed myself against the bed and pretend I was far from waking up.

As the door slowly slide open I noticed a familiar tattoo that was printed on their hand.

"Colby?" I whisper to myself but was somehow loud enough to catch his attention. He whipped his head towards me stopping himself from reaching for a bag that was placed on the floor. "Ava" he mutters back but not at a whisper like mine.

More formal.

I huff rolling over on the bed so my back was facing Colby and my face was viewing the wall causing the room to drown out into an awkward silence.

"Oh Ava, if only you understood what you had said" he softly says. I suddenly felt the end of my bed dip indicating that he was now sitting down on it. "Oh Colby, if only you understood what you had said" I repeat back making the room turn back to its awkward silence.

"I'm sorry" He whispers a hint of sadness swirled in his voice. I gulp sitting up and facing him to only realize that his face looked like his been crying for hours.

My eyebrows knit together as I studied his emotions. "That's all?" I ask, my words coming out more of a whisper than a question. He bends over resting his elbows down on his knees as he sat quietly for once in his life.

''Now you're the quiet one huh" I reply back indicating to what he had said to me last night. ''pathetic'' I whisper repeating his words.

"You don't understand do you, I can't like someone, I'm strictly not allowed to, so when someone accuses me of engraving on someone the amount of Paranoia that causes upon me is beyond" he growls looking over at me and finally we make eye contact.

This wasn't the Colby I've met before. This Colby looked like he was struggling and I knew I was far from helping.

"Why, is their someone stopping you?" I ask slowly placing my hand on top of his making sure he knew it was ok to speak to me. Colby doesn't remove his hand, instead he interlocks it with mine as if he was scared I was going to disappear into thin air.

"It's not always related to gang stuff Ava, don't forget about my social media platforms" he says and instantly everything clicks.

"Management" I softly whisper looking over at his crystal blue eyes that were coated with a layer of tears.

This whole time I thought Colby just didn't want to like someone because he thought it was a waste of time but instead it was because he actually couldn't.

"I'm not this player everyone makes me as'' he replies struggling for words. I squeeze Colby's hand to remind him that I was still here. ''Fire them Colby you're a human not a robot'' I respond.

''They are Sam's management also don't forget'' He answers looking down at our hands tied together. ''So why does Sam get to have a girlfriend and you don't, that's not fair at all?'' I question him sitting up straighter.

''I actually don't know, it's just the way they are'' he answers his voice bearly coming out. He removes his stare away way from our hands and locks eyes with mine and suddenly I witnessed a burst of sadness rush over his face.

''I just want to be loved Ava, I really do" He cries and instantly I unlock our hands and pull him into a tight hug. I lean him closer to me as he collapsed into my grip.

He cries were soft but sounded to be one of the most painful things I've ever heard. I softly rub his back listening as his cries grew louder at my touch.

''Please don't leave me" He cries out and causing my heart to shatter into a million pieces. His grip around my body tightens to show he was scared that I was going to drop him and leave him to hurt by himself.

''Hey I'm not going anywhere ok, I promise you'' I respond back feeling my eyes start to water. He mumbles out sentences that made no sense but I couldn't stop him, he sounds as if he needs to get it all out.

''I don't even remember the last time someone has actually held me without having a social media cause behind it'' He loudly says breaking away from his soft mumbles.

I lift my hand up to my eyes and quickly wipe my tears away with the bottom of my palm before Colby could notice.

''Here, lay down with me'' I respond making him quickly pull away from me. His eyebrows were pulled together in confusion but the tips of his lips curved upwards.

''Really?'' he questions me with a hint of happiness mixed in his voice. I tilt my head to indicate for him to shut up and lay down causing a little laugh to escape from his lips. He slowly lays down drowning himself in the pillow underneath him.

I lay down next to him, feeling his hands pull me towards him. Smiling to myself I rested my head on top of his chest taking in every breath he took.

''I'm not leaving you no matter what'' I whisper drawing circles on his arm that was around my waist.

''Thank you'' He mumbles tightening his grip around me.