Loving The Bad Boy

Resentment loves Rebellion

"Elizabeth, what in god's name were you doing with that boy, let alone on his back? Can you imagine what the neighbors think?"

I focused my gaze on the zigzag pattern in the carpet beneath me, not wanting to meet my mother's gaze. Yes, my choice to accept Reed's offer had been rather...improper on my part. Given the circumstances, however, I felt my choice had been fairly justified.

"Mother, you don't understand. I-"

"Oh, please, Elizabeth. Do not try and justify your promiscuous behavior. There is a name for girls who crawl onto the backs of guys that they barely know, Elizabeth. I won't dare say it, because the fact that you are acting as such is bad enough, but you know exactly what I'm saying."

My mouth twitched, my fingers curling inward slightly as I struggled to keep my self control. She had not even given me the option of explaining myself. She had simply jumped to the conclusion that I was turning into a whore, despite the fact that I had proven time and time again through my actions and my words that my morals dictated I never act in such a way.

"And, Elizabeth, as if your behavior weren't bad enough. He looks like trailer trash, with those repulsive things in his ears and all those holes in his jeans. Of all the boy's you could have chosen to associate yourself with, Elizabeth, you had to choose him. Why, oh why, do you do this to me? Please, Elizabeth, explain to me why you torture me like this? I have tried, time and time again, to raise you right and bring you up properly. Yet I have to deal with issues like this. What did I do to deserve this, Elizabeth? Please, tell me? What have I done to you to warrant this behavior?"

I took in a sharp breath, trying to keep the tears that had been welling up in my eyes from spilling out. Her question was impossible to answer. If I confessed that my behavior had nothing whatsoever to do with her, that would make me appear selfish. However, even at a time such as this, I could not bring myself to lie to her. She apparently already felt I had wronged her terribly by acting as I had. Doing so would only add insult to injury.

"Nothing, mother..." I muttered, keeping my gaze averted to the ground.

"Yes, that's what I thought. Now, go to your room, Elizabeth. Your poor father has been working all day, and he's exhausted. He doesn't need to deal with the problems your behavior is causing right now."

More than eager to meet her request, I quickly nodded and made my way to my room, closing the door tightly behind me and biting down on my lip. I wouldn't allow myself to cry. Crying was a form of self-pity, and I in no way deserved to be pitied for my actions. I had done something wrong, and though my behavior had been justified by the circumstances, I had caused my mother much stress. I had acted out and fallen short, yet again.

Whatever joy I had been experiencing from finding out Reed possessed a romantic interest in me was gone. The moment had been robbed from me, and try as I might not to resent her for it, I could feel the anger I tried so hard to rid myself of settle deep within the pit of my stomach. Indeed, it seemed my mother and I would always have a love/ hate relationship. Which meant I would always be stuck in this passive aggressive situation, with an overall lack of communication and a quiet resentment. Such things were unhealthy, yes, but so was our relationship.

"So, you were quiet today in math."

Glancing across the table, I afforded Reed a week smile, hoping it didn't give too much away. Indeed, eating lunch together seemed to have become a silent consensus between him and I, as had socializing during math class. I had no intentions of relaying the events that had transpired last night between my mother and I to Reed, primarily because of the harsh things she had said about him.

Her judgments of him had been unfair , and primarily based upon appearances. She had taken him for face value, as many people seemed to have, and simply assumed he wasn't worth the effort it would take to get to know him.