Hereafter | Haikyuu!! Oneshots | Hiatus!

II: Pluto

I imagined that there wasn't a time other than this where I felt so distant from everyone around me. Wherever I looked, I could only see space -- this darkness, where I never felt any other being. My fingers grasped at the blindness, but came away with nothing in their hold. Perhaps I was searching for something in particular, though I never knew what. Was I looking for a missing piece to my feeling of completion? Maybe even my sense of self had disappeared, leaving me confused and unaware of what mental state I needed to bring myself to. 

I was trapped in a mental loop, to put it simply. It was as if I was lost in a grove — one that had interconnected paths, so no matter where I traveled, I would always end up back at that starting point, lost and inarticulate. My self confidence had broken down so much that I couldn't help but feel this way. When I stared at my own hands, I flexed my fingers and fought the urge to cry. 

How perfectly his hand fit in mine.

I flinched at another reccurring memory and set my hand palm-down on my lap.

But how banal his eyes were when he gazed at me. 

Groaning, I just shook my head and pulled the collar of my shirt up to the bridge of my nose and started to ponder about what blessings my previous relationship had brought. Was there anything to behold when I thought I felt the most happy? 

The thought lingered for a moment, and I could produce recollections of every time I spent with my significant other. They were the happy stages, where my face was full of smiles, my heart was light and fluttering, and my cheeks were red, flushed with absolute enjoyment. Yet, along with those blissful remembrances, I could almost see the indifferent grimace plastered onto my ex-lover's face that plagued every waking minute. It was a crude expression, one that shouted his feelings of distaste obnoxiously loud, but I'd never unplugged my ears to hear them, until now.

He hated every minute spent with me.

Why had I realized this just now? Was I just so oblivious to the fact that he never really enjoyed spending time with me? As the mood of despondency settled over my soul, I finally came to know the reason behind why I forced myself to push aside all of his vileness.

Love.

The senseless regard I held for him, and the one that he never took up on me. Delusion because of this god-awful sentiment had ravaged my rationality, leaving me as a lovesick fool to tend to my own affection, blindly nursing it on my own even though it was a job for the opposite party. Things had always been this way, but I was too invested in our relationship to care. And as much as I repressed my emotions, they'd always come back to haunt me. 

I was lucky if I could even will myself to love another the way I loved him.

Wiping a tear from my face and laughing at myself in my idiocy, I simply shook my head and tried to diverge from the topic.

Why are you thinking such mundane thoughts? It's over.

A shaky gasp stuttered out of my chest, bleeding all the woes and sorrows that I felt at the phrase. Burying my face in my hands, I sobbed and felt pools of hot tears trickle down the crevices between my fingers, sliding down to stain the cuffs of my hoodie.

It's over.

__

My blue fingers were clutched around a mug of steaming tea, graciously accepting the heat provided by the beverage. At the touch, my skin was cold and felt dull -- almost as if it had been stripped of nutrients for years on end. As a certain brunette maneuvered around me, setting up blankets and bringing food to eat while we watched a movie, I mindlessly stared at the wall, spacing out at the lack of things to pay attention to.

I already insisted on helping, but Oikawa just gave me a frown and told me that he'd take care of everything. Half an hour passed since then, and we were almost ready to start our evening of relaxation. Once the last bowl of soup was sat on the coffee table, Tooru plopped down next to me, sighing as his body went limp, the tension easing out of his muscles. 

"You alright, (Y/N)?" he asked, turning his head towards me, "Need anything else?" I shook my head and gave an appreciative smile, sipping some tea while I was at it. The volleyball player looked relieved as he turned on the television with the press of a button. Sorting through the various flicks I had downloaded, he chose one that we watched often, and pressed play.

Throughout the movie, I found myself becoming distracted by the flashing of colors on the bright screen, an element of my surrounding that diverted my attention away from the topic of my long-gone lover, and focused it towards one of my favorite flicks. 

After two hours, the movie had ended, and I was left feeling calmer than before. Taking a glance at Oikawa, I found that he had somewhat of a serene expression lacing his features. His brows were lowered and his eyes were half-lidded, contentedly staring at the ending credits. He looked satisfied, somehow -- and it was only odd because I couldn't decipher the reason as to why he seemed that way. 

Perhaps it was my curiosity, but I felt a tug that brought me close enough to him in order to tap his shoulder and ask him if he enjoyed the film. The edges of his lips tugged upwards and he nodded, those hazelnut eyes sparkling as the glow of the television screen bounced off of them. But despite his calm demeanor, I noticed this gloss over his chocolate irises. 

"Are you happy?" they seemed to ask, "Are you distracted enough to feel at ease?" Letting a small breath out, I averted my gaze for a moment just to think. 

Was I shallow for leaving my emotions behind so quickly? I couldn't help but feel that the end of this relationship was my fault, but I knew better than to believe that. But I digressed from the negativity and moved onto something new. My mind started to wander towards the happenings of this evening.

When I looked down at my hands, I was pleased to see that they weren't shaking anymore. I traced my face with light fingers and felt that my cheeks were dry, and my eyebrows unfurrowed. When I realized that my chest stopped aching and that my mind was clear, I felt an unfamiliar feeling bubble up inside my stomach.

I think I was okay.

I was okay.

My vision blurred as I raised my head, and locked eyes with Tooru.

As soon I looked at him, the Sun, he smiled back and enveloped me in warmth, his smooth skin brushing against mine in affection. My chin rested upon his shoulder as his arms pulled me closer, his heart touching mine with such delicate care. His hands rested against my rhomboids, fingers curled, gently digging into my back in a manner that notioned that he'd been waiting for this for forever. 

Failing to properly see through a wall of tears, I blinked to release them -- to free myself. 

And when I did, the whole world opened up in a new light.

Behind him, I could see a velvet sky peeking through the blinds I'd forgotten to close. Pink and orange light dusted everything under it, and created an imaginary warmth that spread through my fragile state of mind. But when I closed my eyes, the rosy horizon disappeared, and I could only feel the soft rumble that coursed through Tooru's chest as he spoke the psalms of a kind man. 

A haziness settled over my mind as I looked up at him and smiled, my eyelids fluttering open. He stopped speaking for just a second to stare adoringly at me, the whole universe in his irises, then placed a hand on my head and uttered a proposition:

"Let's go to the beach."

Once again, his irresistible gleam drew me closer until I submitted to the gravity of the situation, my conscience bound by the pull of the Milky Way.