flashback

seventeen

Amanda and I step into the small elevator in my building and press my floors button. It's after 7pm and Mason has texted me twice to ask if I'm still going to be at the party. I reassured him both times that I'd be there but he still doesn't seem convinced. Maybe he doesn't expect me to actually show.

The elevator comes to a stop and I walk out first and make sure to look round before I turn the corner to get to my dorm. A few college kids are sitting in the hallway but she isn't there and I'm glad. Amanda watched me curiously. She must think I'm a complete psycho.
"Are...you oka...y?" She asks me.

"Hm?"
"Yeah I'm great."
"Why?" I ask, smiling at her.

"You're acting really funny." She says.
"You have been since we pulled up outside."

"I'm just not ready for the party." I tell her. It isn't exactly a lie, but it isn't the reason that I'm acting 'funny'.

I unlock the room and the first thing I do is put down my bag. Its full of heavy books and I've been carrying it around since yesterday afternoon. Ofcourse, I put it down at Amanda's place and when I was driving, but it's not quite the same as getting home and throwing your bag on the ground.

"Let me see the dress." Amanda says. I walk to my closet and pull it out.
It was probably just me, but the dress looked like it had gone smaller. Way smaller.

"Try it on. You can be my model so I see how it looks on." She speaks again.

"It wouldn't look good on me." I tell her.

"Oh come on." She says and looks at the dress and then back at me.

"Alright fine." I give in because knowing Amanda, she wouldn't have stopped.

I open the zipper at the back of the dress and pull it on. Its a little bit tight but I can work with it for now.

I open the closet door to bring out the mirror on the side. It doesn't look...awful..I guess.

"It looks gorgeous on you!" She exclaims.

"You are TOTALLY wearing that tonight."
"I'm not taking no for an answer."

"But-" I start but I'm cut off by her.

"No buts. It's final. You're wearing it." She says. She sounds like a mother that's trying to get her kid to eat their vegetables.

"I can't wear this."
"First of all, it's way too tight to wear all night and second, I don't have the shoes for it." I tell her while trying to think of more reasons to not wear it, but my brain doesn't seem to be working that well today.

"You could wear my shoes." She says in a 'duh' kinda way.

"It's tight." I squeak.
"And it probably looks better on you."

"Jo, you're wearing that whether you like it or not." Amanda says.

I give her sad eyes and she just turns away. Wow. Was this her plan all along?

Amanda grabs the jeans and t-shirt that I was gonna wear and starts to get ready.

"I'm gonna do your make-up." She tells me and I don't object. I change out of the dress and decide to put it on when we're leaving.

...

Half an hour later, Amanda has her make-up done and she's all ready. She cut the t-shirt and made it a crop top for herself.

Her hair is tied back into a messy and curly bun and she's wearing a black choker. She looks better in the jeans and t-shirt than I ever could.

I walk into the bathroom and start to get ready. I think about curling my hair but decide against it. The dress looks better on me with my straight hair anyway.

When I'm done changing and brushing out my hair,  Amanda comes in and starts with my makeup.

She goes for a smokey eyeshadow look with dark lipgloss. It actually looks kinda great.

As she's about to put the eyeliner on my eyes I stop her and warn her.

"Oh come on." She laughs.
"It's liquid eyeliner. Don't worry."

"Amanda no." I say with a very straight face and she backs down.
She puts some mascara on me instead. 

When we're done, we grab jackets, just incase it gets cold and make our way to the party.

...

We arrive at the address that Mason sent me and jump out of my car. The lawn is full and the party is much bigger than I expected. I cringe at the thought of walking past all of those drunk people.

I stop and take a deep breath before continuing down the path.

We take one step into the house and look around before we go in fully. It's a very big place but I can't really see much of it because of the crowd. The place is so full and the music is loud. Really loud.

I thought this was going to be a be a small party.

Amanda begins to walk further into the house and I rush to follow after her. We pass some people that I'm sure I've seen in a few of my classes and walk into the kitchen area.

"Do you want a drink?" Amanda shouts to me over the blaring music.

"Uh no I don't drink." I shout back.

"What about a soda?" She shouts again. I shrug and stretch out my hand and she passes me a soda from the fridge.

She pours herself a cup full of what smells like vodka. I only know the smell because of one reason. My mother's drinking problem.

(In the kitchen)

*flashback*

Josette at 14 in a group home. She was going to be staying there for a while until her case worker found her a better place. The girls were all troublemakers that were put there because no one else would take them in or they would cause problems wherever they went.
They forced Josette to do all their house chores when the house leader wasn't around.
They made her clean their rooms and bullied her into doing whatever they wanted. Josette had been in similar positions before so she just did what they said to avoid any trouble.
One day, she didn't listen because she had enough of them making fun of her and treating her badly.
They did not like that she spoke up and they hit her with baseball bats on her back so that the bruises would not be visible. She continued to do what they said.

*In real life.*

"Jo." Amanda shouted. She must have noticed that I was back to normal because she let out a breath that she must have been holding in 

"Are you okay? What happened?" She asked frantically.

"I- I'm fine." I tell her.

"Do you wanna leave? We can go back to the dorms." She says.

"No no. Its okay. I'm fine. Don't worry." I say to her.

She hands me a glass of water and I take a few sips before placing it down.

"What was that?" She asks. "You just blacked out for a few minutes."

"I'm sure it was nothing." I lie.

"Nothing?" She asks. "That was not nothing."

"Amanda I'm fine." I repeat and before she can say anything we're interrupted by a male voice.

"Helllo ladies." He says. Its Mason and he's drunk.

...

I hate my flashbacks.