indirects // a.b

4.3

first off, let's start on how much i hate myself! 
skip this because this is just a chapter of <3 SELF LOATHING <3

the way i always find faults in my own body and personality AMAZES me to no end!
i say i love myself, but then i immediately say

oh man im so f*t and *gly 
i hate usng those words on myself
and i hate the fact that those words are true

i'm not skinny. my stomach is fucking huge. i look like a goddamn square in pictures because my body is just SO stretched out, and the fact that i have no jawline? embarrassing!

i hate my looks so much. my nose is disproportionate! my teeth are so fucking crooked yet my stubborn ass refuses to gets braces bc i feel like itll make me look *glier and god idk if i can even handle that

my hair is so fucking huge and for what why cant it just stay flat and look good for once. no matter how hard i try to style it i can neve fucknig do it 

and whnenevr i go out i always have to tie a ucking sweater around my waist bc im so fucking insecure about my stomach that i wanna hide it! and the same w my fucking arms! i cannot go a single fucing day without wearing long sleeves because i just feel so fucking insecure about my entire body shape.

i'm so f*t i'm so f*t i'm so f*t !!!!

i want tofcuking rip my body to shreds im so fucking mad i just wanna get rid of my fucking skin and my muscles and my bones and im just so ANGRY WITH MYSEFL FOR LOOKING THIS WAY?? and imfmf im going to fucking scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!