Words I Didn't Say // D.S

Chapter 5

If I was your sinner, then you were my saint. Guilty of breaking your heart.

Daniel's POV:

I hit the steering wheel as hard as I can as I let out a heavy breath. I sighed as rubbed my face and started the engine. I pulled off the driveway and drive to the only place that can take my mind off of things. I don't drink, but in my situation it makes me want to so bad. Why do I have this huge feeling of pride and pure madness? An ego? That fucking attitude that makes things worse? I don't know the right term to describe it, and now I'm hating it. Whenever I saw her my mind switches from mad negatives to unicorns and rainbows. I don't know. When I saw her standing by her locker, minding her own business. She suddenly looked up at me, and I lost it. I need her.

That's why I ended up pulling her out the school grounds, kissing her in my car. Until I realized that it was wrong and that I messed up because I know that she doesn't like me in that way. That thought made me mad, and I ended up pushing her away. Pride got the best of me as I snapped and yelled at her. When I realized that I was wrong for bursting up at her, she was already gone. I let out a frustrated sigh, I know I messed up. Again.

I parked in front of a cabin, I got out and walked in to the woods to a lake. I sat at the edge of the wooden plank, and stared at the view in front of me. The lake was wide and peaceful. It was mid day, and the sun is up catching up reflections in the water. I swing my legs back and forth as I let out a shaky breath.

I felt so guilty, all she ever did was be here and be a good ass friend to me. Yet I'm the one who always started the fight. I apologize and she forgives. Yet sometimes- well it always came to me that I don't deserve her forgiveness. And that I always ended up doing it again. I sighed as I heard my phone go off, I look to see Christina calling. I picked it up and almost drop my phone to the huge outburst.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DANIEL? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?" I flinched as I heard Christina in the other line. I heard Corbyn telling her to calm down. "I'm not gonna fucking calm down unless your jerk of a friend fixes his shit Bean! Now answer me Daniel, WHY?" she snapped.

"I don't know"

"Well you can't just say that you don't know man, that's messed up. You're messing with her emotions and that's worse than messing up a note" Corbyn said.

"Drop that bullshit Daniel or else I'll freaking skin you alive!" Christina said as she hang up.

I sighed, I know I have to do something. But I don't know where to start. She doesn't deserve that, and she never does in the first place.

The next day, she didn't go to school. I sat in my Chemistry class by the window staring at her empty table at the front in the middle of the room. I imagine her flipping her notebook and scribbling down notes. It took me back to whenever she didn't understand what our teacher say, her eyebrows will begin to connect creating her cute confused face. She finds it quite stupid to dictate when you can just write it down. Then she'll look up at me and motions to the stupidest thing that just happened a few seconds ago. She'll occasionally bite her lower lip whenever she's thinking hard, and she'll roll her eyes to herself whenever she heard something wrong about what our teacher is saying. I can't help but laugh at the memory. She really knows how to react in certain things. I can't help but take a grasp about those little details about her, those little things she does whenever she's happy or sad. Every single thing about her is intoxicating, making my knees feel weak. Her smile can make anyone smile with just one look. Her hair will fall above her, and she'll constantly scrunch up her little nose with pure irritation in her eyes as she pulled it back.