What Knot

8

   At supper, all everyone talked about was Thor and how he has never done anything remotely like tame. "Have you tried feeding him apples? Or just talking to him?"

  "Almost everyone of us have. We have tried apples, carrots, fresh grass, fresh hay, sugar cubes. You name it, we've tried it. Drake even slept in the next stall for a few days." Martin told me.

  "Yep! I was the only one who took care of him for three months. He would rear up at me. A few times he even charged me. Knocked me on my ass a few times."

  "That's when I put a stop to that. Thor was too damaged by the time we got him. I refuse to let anyone get hurt because of a horse. No matter how we acquired it." Reba added.

  Martin went on to tell me how they had been on a delivery trip. When they got to the ranch in Utah, they saw the owner beating a year old Thor. They immediately put a stop to it and made the owner sign over ownership of Thor. They also called the sheriff's office and filed a complaint. Of course they had to go back and testify against the man. He lost all his stock and is banned from owning any animals. The ASPCA had found several dead cows and horses on the property.

  "So you not only saved Thor, but countless other animals. You are heroes!"

  "No, we are just normal people who hate to see anyone suffer, man or beast. Any decent human being would have done the same."

  A little while later, Jordan asked about the pictures. "They turned out really good! I'm thinking of making myself a calendar with them." I showed him the pictures. He was so impressed with the first few that he put them on the smart tv so everyone could see them.

  "You're right, Sierra! These are good!" Jordan said as everyone agreed with him. There are a few that were of me and Jordan at the pond and of us yesterday just talking on the back porch. I was smiling! "Looks like Geoff got a hold of my camera." He kept flipping through the pictures and saw the ones of Thor from the day that I got hurt.

  Then came the ones of my last birthday party for Patrick. Just two months before he died. The smile fell from my face. Patrick looked so happy. I saw that I had a fake smile on my face. Then I saw that Patrick was flirting with other women. Why hadn't I seen that before? I stood and hobbled out of the crowded livingroom. Then the house. I went to the back porch and sat on the swing. Tears slowly leaked from my eyes. I thought of all the times that I tried to make special occasions, special for him. He always had a birthday party. When he was promoted, we had a celebration. I planned every vacation, every holiday. I wanted a baby, he said not yet. He had only bought me one birthday present. Never bothered with anniversary gifts.

  Geoff came to sit beside me. He wrapped his arms around me. "I'm so fucking stupid, Geoff! I'm surprised that I'm even smart enough to know how to breathe and eat." I laid my head on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry for not listening to you! Can you ever forgive me? I'm such a fucked-up friend." I quit talking.

   "Are you through with the pity party?" I didn't answer. "There is only one thing that I see that you still do, from when you were with that bastard. This low self-esteem of your's. I hate it, Sierra! You are not stupid! You're brilliant, beautiful, strong, and loyal. You trusted what ever he said to you. Because you have never lied, you expected the same kindness in return. Even though he was my brother, I hate him for what he did to you."

  I felt a tear hit my head. "Baby, I want you to be happy! I want you to love the man that you deserve. I want that man to love you."

  "How can I trust myself to know who he is?"

   "Do you have someone in mind?" I nod. "I thought so. I trust this entire family. That's one of the many reasons that I love Drake. He's awesome, as is his brothers. But if you don't want him, don't make yourself stay with him. You threw yourself into making Patrick happy. To the point that you lost yourself. Then you threw yourself into your work. I want you to find yourself again. In those pictures of Patrick's party, I saw the fake smile of an unhappy woman. In the pictures that I took of you and Jordan, I saw the real Sierra smile. That Sierra is the one that I want to come back. She's almost here. Please come back Sierra! I miss having my sister to talk to. I love you Sierra and want you back. When you are with Jordan, I see the real you coming back."