Finally found you

fifteen.

(a/n- Its sad so have tissues)):

ELIZABETH

It has been over a month since New Years. It has been over a month since I last talked to Niall. It has been over a month since I made contact with anyone.
I feel numb. I don't even feel pain. I'm only numb. I can't smile. All I do is cry, stare at a blank wall, or scream and take my anger out on myself.
My depression has come back. My wrists are bad, real bad. The cutting has gotten deeper and worse.
Cutting has become a nightly thing again, suicidal thoughts have become daily, and missing him has become my life.
He hasn't tried to call or text. He hasn't even dropped by to see if I was alive or to see if I have attempted.
I've wanted to. I've wanted to attempt so bad. I haven't because of him. I keep having this feeling that he will come back and save me.
But he won't.
I sat in my bed staring up at my ceiling. I had to end this constant feeling of nothing. I had to end this constant feeling of hurt. I had to end it.
I grabbed a journal and a pen out of my desk and wrote.
'Dear Niall,
It's been a month and I haven't heard or seen from you. You haven't even heard my side of the story. You just dumped me on New Year's, I've haven't been hurting this past month, I've been numb.
I'm not feeling anything but constant numbness; I'm not feeling like I did when I was with you, I can barely smile.
The only thing that makes me feel anything is my razor.... and the thought of us together again.
I've wanted to attempt every night, but every time, I would think about you walking through my front door and save me like you did the first time I sat with you at lunch.
I know you still love me deep down but right now you are all that's keeping me from jumping.
But this time I'm gonna do it.
I'm writing you this so you know that I'm gonna do it. I'm jumping tonight at the bridge that I love so much. I love it enough to die there.
I can't stand the thought of not having you as my backboard. The bullying has just gotten worse over the past month we've been back in school.
I've faked sick the past days just so I didn't have to face them.
My cutting has gotten worse. It's gotten deeper and it's worse than it has been before.
My thoughts are back. I've been telling myself to die every night since then.
I haven't took my pills since that night. I'm pretty sure I've only gotten 3 hours of sleep since that night and my mind is going crazy.
I can't take this life of numbness anymore Niall. It hurts so bad. I feel absolutely nothing.
I've tried that butterfly thing where you put a butterfly on your wrist and try not to kill it.... yeah I killed it the day I wrote it.
Niall, I'm sorry for doing this and I'm sorry for what I'm about to put you through.
I thought I had finally found you but I didn't so
Goodbye.
xoxo Elizabeth.'
Tears were spilling out of my eyes as I folded up the note and put in in my pocket.
I wrote notes for Jaden, my mom, and Alex, those all pretty much said the same thing about how I'm sorry and I love them and how it wasn't their fault. None of them were home so it was the perfect time to go die.
I set the notes on the counter under a plate of cookies and I grabbed my jacket and went outside.
I walked over to Niall's house and set the note on his doorstep, rang the doorbell, and ran behind a bush.
I saw Niall come outside and look around before seeing the note on the ground. He grabbed it and sat down on the porch.
I started walking to the bridge before I could see his reaction.
I got to the bridge and walked to the middle of it.
"Wow," I spoke to myself. "I'm actually gonna do it."
I climbed through some of the poles an made it to the ledge. It was a big enough ledge for me to sit on and wait a little bit.
I sat down and just stared out at the city's silhouette as the sun set. I felt my phone buzz a few times but I didn't look down until I heard my ringtone go off and it was Niall.
"Hello," I said fairly calm.
"Elizabeth I'm sorry. I don't want you to do this," he was having a panic attack through the phone.
"Too late Niall, I have to do this. I'm already here and I'm about to jump," I said as I stood up.
"No! If you jump I'll jump after you, wait until I can talk to you. Please wait Elizabeth."
"You have 5 minutes to get your ass here," I soon as I said that I heard leaves crunching and coughing coming towards me.
"Make that five seconds," his voice fled through my ears as I looked down and then looked up to meet his eyes. "Elizabeth, please. I can't survive knowing that I let you die because of me. Elizabeth please," he was crying.
"Niall, I have to do this. Don't you see this wrists! They only got better because of you and they just got worse because of you!" I screamed at him.
I heard sirens and honks from cars.
"No! Niall you called! Why the fuck would you call?!" I kept screaming over the noises.
"I didn't call, now come over the rails, so we can sort this out," he said so calmly I just wanted to run back into his arms.
"No! You can survive without me Niall! You survived this whole month without me. I'm pretty sure you can survive seventy more years without me," I looked around and saw the cops, fire department, and the ambulance all around me.
"Elizabeth, please don't do th-"
"Goodbye Niall," and with those words I turned around and jumped.

~

a/n- sorry it's short but a lot of stuff happened so yeah ))):