Paper Cut Poems

I scare myself

I've noticed that I have talked about everyone else
but myself
and I guess it's easier to talk about others than yourself.
that's why when you take a personality test and it asks you to write three words that describe you,
you ask your friends
instead of coming up
with the answers yourself.
It's hard to assess yourself
because you're
your own worst critic.
When it comes to me I don't want to seem conceded
So I do things for others so they will give me stuff back.
It's called manipulation.
I'm gotten to the point where I don't even realize I'm doing it.
But just because
I do this
doesn't mean I don't
have feelings of my own.
See because I'm like a rubber band.
I snapback pretty well.
But after a while
I'm stretched out thin.
I don't pop back as well.
And soon I just snap.
I break.
People pull too hard and I fall apart.
When I feel it in my gut
that I want to cry
and my eyes won't allow it
I make myself.
I watch things that make me cry.
I read books with sad endings.
I hate change and
Making choices
because choosing one
means losing the other.
I worry too much.
I don't have a sleep schedule.
At all.
I'm selfish.
I have issues with
staying in one place
for a long period of time.
I feel suffocated.
I feel like there is no way out.
I feel like a kid again.
Helpless.
I can't think about
my past without cringing.
I think I need help
but I don't think
I could handle the outcome.
I'm confused
and lost with
no sense of direction.
This is who I am
and when I look in the mirror
I don't like what I see.
Now you know a little bit about me.
Any questions?
-(cm)