Screw Men

eleven

Lisa's POV

I'm an idiot.

I fucked up.

I screwed up.

I know, out of all the things I could have said since this is the first time we're seeing into my point of view, I chose to say,

I'm an idiot.

I fucked up.

I screwed up.

Jennie is my everything.

And instead, I let her walk out on me like that.

I'm an idiot, I should have cut everything off with Niki when she broke up with me.

I fucked up, I shouldn't have let my sexual desires blur my mind, just because I wanted someone to have sex with.

I screwed up, pleasure isn't the only thing that I should be caring about. When I saw Jennie cry, I knew I screwed up bad.

She never cries in front of me.

She never cries in front of anyone.

All her life, she's been this independently, crazy strong girl that refused to be vulnerable in front of anyone.

Her parents had always been out of town, that's when I came into her life, that's when I became her only pillar or support.

I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't be the first one to see her cry. Moreover be the first one to make her cry.

And, guess which lovely idiot fucked up?

Me.

I hate myself.

I tried calling for her the moment I saw her bolt out of my house. But she never looked back.

That wasn't a good sign.

Jennie always told me she'd pick me over and over again, and yet that night I can't believe I had to think twice about choosing her. I can't believe I was even hesitating to say I would pick her over Niki.

My heart had never been great at taking rejection, my heart had been so confident in knowing Jennie would always love me. In knowing she would always be around. But, I guess now I'm wrong.

I hate myself for not telling her that,

I love her more than a friend.

I hate that I was blinded by pleasure.

When all I ever wanted in my life was seriously just right in front of me.

Now that I fucked up, I was going to make it up to her.

I was going to try. I'm not going to be foolish ever again.

That was what I thought, until two days later after our fight, I saw her, with Adam, holding hands, kissing against the locker.

My locker.

She was supposed to break up with him yesterday.

She was supposed to dump his ass yesterday.

YESTERDAY.

The two weeks are over, she shouldn't be with him anymore.

It was supposed to end yesterday.

They were supposed to be over yesterday.

Adam was supposed to be crying.

But why the fuck is she kissing him? Why the fuck are they kissing?

I didn't want to see shit.

My heart went sore, it crumbled.

I needed answers. But I can wait. I'll wait for her lessons to be over today.

And then I'll talk to her, I'll apologise even.

I dragged myself away in vexation and kicked the side of a trash can, causing a few students to startle, flinching away.

I fucked up.

I can't believe I fucked up.