Exiled (AmBw)

Chapter 41

Naoto POV

After taking a shower, I hunched over my sink, looking at myself in the fogged mirror. I stood there, a complete manifestation of remorse and despair. Unable to stop my steady decline once again. Every year since that day, same time, same month, I lose myself in thoughts of Tori. Like clockwork, I go to see her grave, pay my respects, lay flowers, and pick up all the sorrow I felt the day she died. For four years, this had been my routine. Until one year, I decided not to visit her, for fear that her resting place was my trigger. I was wrong to this day. I've never experienced an episode as bad as I did that year. It took me a month of isolation before I could push past my guilt to function in society again.

For two days, I wallowed in my misery, no contact, no people, all numbers blocked, except one. The sound of a notification chime caught my attention. Walking over to my bedside, I checked my phone. Layla

Layla

I miss you. I'm sorry.

'Why is she apologizing?' I thought.

I collapsed on the bed with my phone in hand, looking up at the ceiling, I sighed. 'Naoto, you idiot.' I thought not realizing that my disappearance would've worried Layla. She always found a way to blame herself for anything that went wrong around her. Why would this time be any different? Usually, when I get like this, I couldn't care less who missed me, or if my absence disturbed anyone, but this time, I wanted to see her. Yesterday she had knocked on the door to check on me, and I almost had half a mind to open it, but I didn't. I didn't want her to see me like this, even though I wished to see her. Not replying to her text, I allowed myself to go back down the rabbit hole where I felt I belonged. Why did I deserve happiness when Tori no longer had a chance to anymore. Tormenting myself for a few more hours, I wandered around my dark room, thinking about the night I told her to leave, and the morning the police showed up at my door. I played with a small drink umbrella with words written on it that echoed how I felt. I had found it the day I went to Takanori to get my jacket back and held onto it because the words hit close to home and even more now. Four questions I reread over and over again.

'What am I doing with my life?'

'Am I even happy anymore?'

'Why do I feel stuck?'

'Will you help me?'

Questions that at this moment I couldn't answer. Twirling the umbrella between my fingers, I rested my head back on the chair I was sitting in. Feeling a brief moment of clarity, thoughts of Layla made the darkness of my mind palatable. Imagining her smile prompted an involuntary smirk and the urge to see her. Looking at the time, I got up and went out to check on her. It was late enough that she would be sleeping, and I could catch a glimpse of her. I did this the night before locking myself away and again last night, but she wasn't in bed yesterday. I figured she was still at EXPG and came home later on in the night after I went back into seclusion. Again her room was vacant, and this worried me. It was 3 in the morning, and each time I tried her phone, it went straight to voice mail. I walked out into the kitchen, texting her at lightning speeds, hoping she was ok.

Layla POV

"You're an idiot, an actual idiot," I said, scolding myself for my current actions. Instead of practicing for tomorrow in Naoto's studio, I'm sitting on his kitchen counter eating ice cream. "What is wrong with me? Yes, he left you on 'read,' so what? Get over it, girl." I said with a mouth full of ice cream. Continuing with my emotional eating, I hacked away at the pint until Naoto stormed into the kitchen.

Layla: "Naoto?" I said, shocked to see him.

Looking up from his phone, startled by my voice, he sighed in relief, dropping his head. Shaking his head before looking back up, he walked over to me.