Being mixed had never been easy, especially in a foreign country. Children would make fun of you, so much you wished to change your background and neglected your origin and culture. Learning to appreciate the beauty that comes with a unique culture is hard. Something Azizah was always struggling with, especially in South Korea. She loved afghan food, it was her seoul food. Her mother would always pack her something for lunch, whether it is palau or cold ashak. It tasted heavily anyway but the kids at school weren't that open at first. She got teased a lot for her smelly food in her earlier years. It got better in high school but with all the teasing she eventually stopped bringing lunch.
She wasn't raised religious, more of a spiritual believer. But one thing she started to hate early on was the religion of her maternal side. Azizah couldn't stand her grandmother picking her up, a woman that passionately followed the guidelines of her religion. Later on, Azizah felt stupid about it, realizing how courageous her maman buzorg actually was. But back in the days, she hated how the people would stare at them, how her classmate eyed them weirdly or how they had the audacity to ask dumb questions. It was embarrassing for her and truly heartbreaking for her grandma when 14-year-old Azizah asked not to be picked up by her any longer.
There were so much more times, times where she just wanted to belong to the Korean girls - but she never did. And to learn that it was okay to publically be proud of where you're from took her 'til university. Until she saw a brunette boy quietly eating his Nepalese food several times. An urge told her to sit next to him but she restrained herself until one day, she accidentally took her fathers Tupper box to uni instead of her own. That day was the start of something truly beautiful.
She was at the supermarket. Searching for the red ginseng her mother loved so dearly. As she walked along the aisles, she found herself in at the front of the baby aisle. Although something tucked at her heart, she refused to listen as she walked through. Stopping in front of the baby food, memories flashed through her mind.
"Just get his favourite! He hasn't stopped crying!" "I'm looking! Banana Strawberry or Pumpkin and Sweet Potato flavoured?", annoyed she screamed. "No not the pumpkin one, he's allergic! Gosh, why can't you remember for once!", he was quick to apologize before rushing to the cash register. Their son had thrown a fit after realizing they were feeding him vegetables with fish pie flavoured food. To say the least, Azizah hadn't had any rest for the past two hours, trying to fill the hungry belly of him with something he liked that they had at home. But he was stubborn as his father. "I'm sorry, Jagiya. I'm about to pay. Await me in 10. Please keep up with him for a little more okay?", trying to let her anger wether down, she ended the call.
Someone beside her reached out to the food in front of her so she quickly stepped aside. Remembering why she was here in the first place, she rushes to the cash register. Her heart hurt, her eyes hurt, her body hurt. Everything was aching and the recurring memories weren't helping at all. She felt her lips tremble but no, not here. She needed to keep her sht together, at least until she was out of here. Taking a deep breath she tried to steady her breathing. It wasn't helping. Biting her lip hard, she clenched her hands as the cashier waited until the food reached her. It felt like an eternity had passed when she had finally paid and was walking out. "Miss! The ginseng." turning around she was faced with a father holding the ginseng out for her as his little girl was seated on his arm. Apologizing she took the ginseng and ran out. The sight of the two too much to bear.
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AZIZAM | kth
Fanfiction"Orphan is what we call someone whose parents have died, but how about the other way around? there's no word for it in the Korean language because there's no word powerful enough to equate the pain of a parent losing a child." The story of a grievin...