The Kissing Booth: After The Break-up, Elle and Noah

Part 12

"Why, Noah? Why couldn't you tell me about your grades and football? I would have understood that and it would have in turn put my fears to rest about Amanda.  When you wouldn't talk to me about school I felt you were hiding something from me and that we were beginning to drift apart.  I thought you wanted someone prettier, smarter and more experienced than me.  I never understood why you wanted me to begin with.  You were my first (and only, not that I was going to admit that to you right now) in every way, but I was never yours in any way.  Then when you came home for Thanksgiving and brought her with you, it just confirmed that there was something going on between you.  I left your Mom's that day because I was hurting to much and couldn't take it anymore.  I meet Levi at the park and yes I did kiss him, but I regretted it as soon as I did it.  I didn't want to be with anyone but you and I thought you were with her so I thought if I kissed him it might help me move on and get over you.  It didn't happen that way, instead it only proved that I hadn't even begun to get over you.  It made me realize even more how much I still loved you and wanted to be with only you.   Amanda came to see me the day after, she wanted to know why I wouldn't talk to you.  I was shocked that she wanted your ex to talk to you when you were together and I said as much to her. She convinced me that there was nothing between you two, but it didn't change much because you were still hiding things from me. So I continued not responding to your calls and texts, but I did read and listen to them all.  When you showed up at the graduation party I didn't want to hear your explanation, because I was still afraid of what you might say so I avoided you.  I don't know why I went into your room that night, but then I saw you still had our picture out.  I wondered why, were you missing me as I was missing you?  Then you walked in and caught me, when you started crying it stopped me from leaving and we ended up making love.  The next morning when I woke up in your arms it was the happiest I had been since before the break up, but I needed to think so I left you sleeping.  When I came back you were gone.  I went looking for you and found you talking to Lee.  Hearing you say you didn't remember anything from the night before hurt and made me rethink my decision to hear you out and maybe to try again if that was what you wanted.  I was so cold to you that morning.  I've already told you about my thoughts and feelings after that so now you know everything."

"I didn't tell you about my grades and football because I was embarrassed.  I didn't want you to be disappointed in me.  I was scared that you would think I was stupid and realize I wasn't good enough for you. As for you thinking I wanted someone that you feel was more then you, you have never seen yourself clearly.  What everyone sees is an amazing woman, who has such a big heart, sweet to everyone and always looks for the best in people.  You are giving, loyal and kind.  You are gorgeous inside and out Elle.  I'm so sorry that you can't see that about yourself, I know it is mostly my fault, because I kept all the guys from asking you out that it affected how you see yourself. I know I was your first in every way, but you have the only first that ever really counted, you were the first woman I ever loved, the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  I didn't think not telling you would have so many consequences and that you would break up with me.  As for the picture of us together, I had copies of it and I never put them away.  I would look at them all the time and remember what I lost.  I missed you so much and wanted you back."  

"I would never have thought you were stupid or not good enough for me.  I loved you with all my heart.  You are everything that I always wanted in a guy.  I might not see myself clearly, but neither do you.  You are kind, gentle and protective of the ones you care about.  You don't let many people see who you truly are.  Yes, you had fights, flings and your bad boy image, but deep down that is not who you are.  With me you were always yourself and that is who I feel in love with,  the bad boy image didn't hurt I loved the fact that I was the only one who could calm you."

We are both silent, lost in thoughts of the past.  I finally break the silence and say, "damn how did we fuck up so badly.  If either of us had just opened up and told the other one what we were thinking and feeling we may not have ever split up.  I'm so sorry for hurting you Shelly."  "It's not just your fault I'm to blame as well.  I'm sorry for hurting you to Noah." she responds.

"We need to be open and honest about everything from now on, because it's not just us that it affects now, it's Nate too." She says to me.  "You're right Shelly.  Our lives impact his life.  Communication is what we need to work on.  We aren't a couple (yet, I think) but we do have our child to take care of.  I promise that no matter how embarrassed or hurt I am I will do my very best to let you know what I'm thinking and feeling." "I promise to do the same.  It's all about what is best for Nate." she smiles.

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Please let me know what you think.  Comments?

 I realized after reading this that Noah never really responded to what Elle said, so I have revised this to include his response.