Before You Go

...if i had let my walls come down?

A/N - I'm sorry this is so late and shitty, I have been crazy uninspired to write this fic lately.

(I blame the sucky seventh season and my new Larry fic)

Clarke wakes up with a pounding headache and awful feeling settles deep in her chest. She looks to the side and sees two Advil and a glass of water on the nightstand. Bellamy. The thought of him draws a quiet whine from Clarke as memories from last night come rushing back to her.

"Bellamy," Clarke whimpers, holding on to his shirt tightly as he gently sets her down on her bed. "Please don't leave."

"Clarke..." Bellamy sighs, carefully pulling her hands off of him. Tears pool in Clarke's eyes as she looks up at him. He looks upset with her. No, not upset. Disappointed. That's somehow worse.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Damnit, Clarke," Bellamy snaps. "Stop apologizing. How many times did I tell you he was a jackass? That you deserved better? Do you know what I fucking heard him say earlier? Do you know how much he doesn't give a shit about you? Cause I do. I've noticed. I've been noticing for months. Since you first met him. And god, I tried to warn you Clarke! But no, because he's who you think you deserve but you're wrong. You deserve so much better Clarke." Bellamy's watching her sadly and the pity in his eyes combined with the alcohol racing through her makes something in Clarke snap. She jumps to her feet and frowns up at Bellamy, feeling irrationally angry at him.

"Well maybe it is what I fucking deserve, Bellamy!" she shouts at him. He blinks, taken aback. There are angry tears in Clarke's eyes and her face is flushed from the alcohol. She's a mess. "I mean, shit, at least Finn wanted me! My own parents didn't want me, but Finn did! So yeah, I put up with his shit! And guess what, Bellamy?! You're not fucking in charge of me! I don't even know why you care at this point- I'm not your fucking responisbility! So why don't you go live your own fucking life and let me live mine! I don't need you!" The words are like a punch to the gut for Bellamy. Clarke is in his face, screaming at him. She's drunk, he reminds himself, she doesn't mean it.

"Clarke, you're drunk-"

"Yeah and you won't fuck off and leave me alone! I'm not a little girl, Bellamy, fucking leave me alone!"

"Princess, you don't mean this-"

"Yes I fucking do! Leave, Bellamy! Just fucking go!" she screamed at him, shoving at his chest. And Bellamy does.

"Oh god," Clarke whispers, flopping over onto her back and throwing an arm over her eyes. "Oh god, oh fuck, I fucked up. I fucked up so bad." And she did. So many different things. But as she runs over the list of things she needs to deal with, only one seems simple enough for the moment. So, with a groan, Clarke pushes herself up into a seated position and gulps down the advils. Her head still pounds, but she forces herself to stand up and stumble over to the dresser. She rifles through before quickly changing into a pair of comfy shorts and a sweatshirt.

Thankfully, she doesn't pass anyone when leaving their apartment, or in the hall on the way to Finn's. Then again, it's 8 am on a Sunday morning. Clarke knocks softly on the door, but no one answers. So, with a deep breath, Clarke steels herself and opens the door. She needs to do this before she loses her nerve. Needs to apologize, to talk to him. Dax is passed out on the couch and Clarke ignores him as she walks over to Finn's room, gently easing open the door, when it's suddenly pulled from her grasp and she's standing face to face with a very shirtless and hung over Raven. Clarke just stares in disbelief as Raven's mouth drops open But before she can say a word, Clarke is spinning on her heel and tearing out of the apartment, not stopping till she's in her own room, the door locked. Then she collapses sobbing on the bed, her heart aching for a million different reasons.