His Majesty And I ✔️

Say The Word

Another chapter coming up within hours. Still editing.

Chapter 39

Wei Li Lian
Imperial Concubine Wei
Hougong

When Li Lian opened her eyes the following day, she knew the day was not going to be a great one. For the first time, she felt like being a coward. It was like a horse stomped over her, it sucked her soul out of her body. Thinking of doing anything felt like she needed double the effort.

She scrutinized her chamber that had brown and turquoise undertones. Then her stare became more blank as thoughts bombarded her brain.

It was on this day she wished she could stay in bed all day, not have to face the battles of life, to strategize, to lie and to be trapped. Emotions were tugging on her heart.

Why couldn't she be loved? Why wasn't she lovable? Even Mistress Ki did not want her. Nameless left her. At the first mistake she made, Yuwen Hong easily looked for the next person.

Maybe Luo Meng was the most honest person in her life, he didn't like her and he was not afraid to express it.

Luo Meng could not see people. Could it be the reason why he did not like her? Her beauty was what made people ignore her actions and look the other side? Is this why no one dared to oppose her? Then that meant that she was really nothing but vain, saved by her beauty.

Li Lian went to the officiation of her title. It was all a haze because she felt numb, her misgivings bothering her. After the ceremony, they were to go to her tea party to celebrate her.

She had attended another before. The person officiated would serve the elders tea as it is an honor for her to do an act of showing off filial duty. She would then sit in front of the table, with the emperor, which was also considered an honor. Gifts were given to the person by the elders, even the emperor normally came with something and so many other things happened.

It was all grand from the outside, but down the table the other women mocked, joked and made fun of the person. They talked of petty things, like how the person did not look good with the emperor, how her family was poor and all other downgrading things.

Li Lian went to her chambers after the ceremony to prepare for the tea party because they were given half an hour to redo their face wear and anything like using the toilet. However, Li Lian knew one thing for sure, she was not coming out.

Getting into her chambers, she took off all of her official clothes and threw them on the floor, leaving herself in her under clothes―the sleeveless cover of her breasts and silk trousers. After closing all the windows to have the room dark, she pushed her blankets aside and covered herself completely.

Not able to hold it any longer, silent tears grazed her face and she started heaving. People say they don't care when others gossip, say mean things and talk about them behind their back, but at some point it gets too much. It becomes psychological abuse that you yourself cannot handle. It was toxic, unbearable and inundating.

"My Lady?" Ai's small voice roused her. "Are you all right?"

Li Lian cleared her throat. "I am just not feeling well. Tell them I couldn't make it. Refuse all visitors for me, for I will see no one."

"Yes, My Lady. Do you need anything?"

"Just leave me." Let's see who they will gossip about now.

Li Lian was strong, she always had to be. She did not allow herself to be weak, yet on this day it felt impossible. All sorts of things had piled up that she felt suffocated, alone and lonely in this big wide world. For this one day, she didn't want to force herself to be fearless and strong. She wanted to just be.