Mga Tula ni Kaya

Lost

Hindi ako sigurado kung isinulat ko 'to bago o pagkatapos ng exam ko sa Algebra and Trigonometry (Math 17) noong unang taon sa kolehiyo. Grabe naman kasi ang existential crisis ko noon at demotivation sa pag-aaral. Hindi ko alam kung tama bang pinili ang dream school kaysa sa dream course/degree program. Hindi na nga ako buo noong pumasok ako sa pamantasan mas nadagdagan pa noong pinamukha sakin nito na ang bobo ko. huhu grabe siya ihh. Haha. 

(2015)

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Lost

Look into my eyes and tell me what you see

One time you told me I always look happy

But now, after looking right through me

Do I really have that bright smile?

The smile that would make everyone happy?

No, I don't have that beautiful smile.

I just have this sweet facade

That would make everyone think I'm fine

Do I look really fine when I smile?

Do I look like I have no problems at all?

If you say I am then you don't really know me

You don't know what really lies within me

You don't know how much pain I'm feeling

I'm breaking and no one knows about it

I'm slowly dying and no one cares

I always have this hollow feeling on my chest

Like I'm an incomplete person

There's something missing in me

I don't really know what to do

That's why I always pretend to be happy

I always wear that bright smile

I always show everyone that I'm perfectly fine

I'm really tired of all the heartaches that I'm feeling

I'm just tired of everything around me

I want to rest for a bit

I want to forget all of these things

I want to be really happy

I want to show my true smile

I just want to feel complete

But I do not know how to do all of these

I'm a messed up person with messed up emotions

I'm a lost soul, please help me to be found

I'm lost and I don't know how to go home

I'm really lost ... A wandering lost soul

I'm missing and incomplete deep inside

I always feel alone even when I'm with friends

I'm empty because of everything that happened

I don't know where I belong

I don't know where I should go

I'm left here in the depths of misery

Please help me get up ... please

I'm lost and I just want to be found.

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Heavy feels. Ang bigat naman po nun. Ang hirap mag-fit in sa bagong environment tapos kahit may mga bago kang kaibigan ang hirap pa rin sabayan sila. Nakaka-OP kaya madalas nagmamasid at nanunuod na lamang ako sa kanila. Pero alam kong may kulang.

Sa mga taong nakakaramdam na parang may kulang sa kanila, siguro mas magandang tumingin muna tayo sa salamin. Malay mo ang kulang pala ay ikaw mismo na mag-aalaga at magmamahal sa sarili mo. I learned this the hard way. Ang daming nangyari. Patuloy nating pinipili ang ibang tao kaysa sa sarili natin. Paalala na lang siguro na hindi pagiging makasarili ang piliin ang ating sarili lalo na kung nahihirapan at nasasaktan na tayo. Hindi masamang piliing magpahinga. Hindi masamang piliin ang sarili kasi kung hindi ikaw mismo ang pipili sa'yo, sino pa ba ang gagawa nito? haha. 

Sa ngayon unti-unti ko ring binubuo ang aking sarili. Hindi mabilis na proseso pero makakarating din naman doon. Maging pasensiyoso sa iyong sarili. Hindi madali pero kakayanin. Yakap sa lahat ng may kailangan. :'))