Life Series #1: Onto Better Things

Chapter 13

I've always been opinionated. Kaya nga ako naging student council president sa school dati. I love voicing out my thoughts. Gustong-gusto ko na naririnig ang sinasabi ko.

But Mark rendered me speechless. For the first time in my life, I am at loss for words.

When he said those words all my braincells froze. I couldn't even process his statement. Narinig ko naman. Rinig na rinig ko ang sinabi niya. Halos mabingi nga ako kahit hindi naman malakas ang pagkasabi niya.

"Because I like you too. So damn much."

I gasped again, grasping for air. Paano? Bakit? Ako ba talaga? Pero.... bakit?

"Are you okay?"

I jumped from where I was sitting. Mark was looking at me with worried eyes. Nasa sasakyan niya kami ngayon at nakakalimutan ko na nandyan siya sa tabi ko.

"Tin, I don't expect anything. Sinabi ko lang 'yun because that's how I feel. You don't have to feel pressured," he explained. He keeps on fiddling his car keys. Hindi din siya mapakali. Hindi niya ako matignan ng diretso sa mata.

I didn't say anything. Kahit gustuhin ko magsalita walang lumalabas sa bibig ko. Pagkatapos niyang sinabi na gusto niya din ako habang nakasakay kami sa ferris wheel parang nagkusang magsara utak ko. I wasn't able to say anything from that moment on until now.

And it was torture too. Dahil sa 50 tickets na binili niya halos 30 minutes kaming nakaupo doon na walang nagsasalita. Mark tried though. He would ask me if I was okay but he never got any reply in return kaya nanahimik na din siya.

"Can you please say something?" Mark was desperate. I can hear it in his voice.

"Anything. Kahit hindi related sa feelings ko. Basta may sabihin ka lang," he pleaded. I looked at him and saw him gripping his steering wheel. The veins in his arms popping.

Still, I stayed quiet. Pinilit kong buksan ang bibig ko pero hanggang doon nalang talaga. Mukha tuloy akong isda na wala sa tubig at hindi makahinga. Funny because that's how I feel too. Parang nawalan ng hangin ang katawan ko at naninikip ang dibdib.

Nakita ni Mark na sinubukan kong magsalita. He almost smiled but I saw him supress it. Kinagat niya ang ibabang labi para pigilan ito.

"Parang sinira ata kita. You are malfunctioning," he said.

I took a deep breath. Bakit ba kasi ako ganito? Masaya naman ako. I mean, crush ako ng crush ko. Haba lang ng hair ko.

I guess I was shocked because I never expected it. Handa na akong magmahal mag-isa. I was preparing myself for a one-sided love. Not in a million years have I assumed that he has feelings for me too. Tapos biglang ganun nalang? Maririnig ko nalang ang 'I like you too' galing sa bwisit na 'to?

Also, I wasn't planning to confess. Not ever. Tapos itong si Mark assumero din pala. Ni hindi nanggaling sa akin na gusto ko siya. Siya talaga ang nagsabi. Iba din confidence eh. Not that he's wrong though. I really like him.

I was just not ready. Confessing was not part of the plan. I needed time to think about everything. But seems like time has ran out.

I took a deep breath.

Kaya ko 'to. Jumbo hotdog, kaya ko 'to.

"Mark....."

Agad siyang napatingin sakin. Biglang nagtama ang mga mata namin. We stopped for a split second but it felt like an hour. Sabay din kaming napaiwas ng tingin.