emotions | tpn fanfic oc inserts

Pt. 25] Titanic

Amelia's POV

I woke up awhile after crying in my nightmare. I sat up, looking over to the clock.

🕑

I gritted my teeth angrily. I hugged my knees, the same thing I did in my dream.

The urge of just yelling and pouring my feelings out in the night is so unbearable. Yet, if I scream now, I would just draw unwanted attention to myself.

It's quite frustrating when things don’t work your way, by things I mean everything especially the intangible content of my life. My plans, wishes, desires, situations and life itself.

But what can I say? I am tired. I just want sleep. I want to sleep without any worries in my mind. I don't want to sleep, thinking that my siblings are in danger, or someone is dead because of me. I don't wanna go to sleep thinking about anyone or anything.

Because sometimes, I wish I could just wipe away all my emotions.

I wish I didn't know how to feel sad, angry, stressed, fear, regret, anxiety and other burdening emotions.

Yeah, that's what I felt towards the word 'emotions'. I felt it as a huge burden on my shoulders and my plate. That's already filled with the thoughts of letting my little siblings to have a bright future, but, my emotions got in the way of doing so.

"Is something the matter, brother?" The little girl asked her big brother. He looked so empty.

"N-Nothing, Lia.." He stuttered out, lying down on his bed. He grabbed hold of the blanket and covered his body with it.

The little girl was obviously worried. She sped walk towards the boy to check on him. As she stopped in front of him, she heard soft hiccups from him.

The little girl tilted her head. She didn't questioned her big brother's odd behavior as she climbed up to his bed. She crawled towards him and hugged him as comfort.

The boy didn't hesitated to hugged back, making the girl smile. "You know what makes me not sad?" She asked softly, patting his back.

He shook his head, sniffling. "Well.. songs! I sing to myself sometimes to calm me down!" She chimed, sounding happy.

She really thought being happy makes others happy as well. Guess the books didn't described it well enough for a six year old to understand.

"Can- you sing me a song..?" The boy asked which the girl happily obliged.

"Eyes green
quite the enchantment~
And I'm trapped
inside this forest...

Eyes blue
like the Atlantic~
And I'm drowing down
like Jack during the Titanic..." I chocked on my sobs.

After his death, I couldn't break the habit of turning to his bed, wanting to tell him how my day went, asking him if he can play some music for me, teach me how to play the guitar, or just telling him about a story I read.

But of course, in the end, I'm just talking to thin air. I was lucky enough I was the only one in the room, if anyone was in there with me, I'm sure rumours of me being crazy would be all around Gracefield.

My eyes widened in surprised as I heard footsteps coming near. I was alerted that it could be Eric, coming to check up on me because he's a few rooms away from me.

I quickly fought back the sobs and quickly wiping away my tears.

As expected, someone knocked on my door. I walked towards the door, hugging myself securingly. I opened the door lazily as if I just woke up.