I Heard A Rumour That We're In Love // Lams (HAMILTON)

Chapter Twenty

A/n: Hi folks, how are you? Sorry this one is so late, I've just gone back to school so I have less time to write. Updates will be on Wednesdays only so I can keep up with chapters and homework better. Really sorry about this. Enjoy the chapter!

Trigger warnings for explicit drug use and self-harm throughout the chapter. This chapter also includes some kind of panic attack. Please, please stay safe you guys. DO NOT read this chapter if any of this could be triggering. 

John's POV: 

I'm making my way back to my dorm, head still reeling from my conversation with Alex even though it was hours ago. I'm not paying attention to the bustle of everyone around me making their way back to their common rooms after dinner, training my eyes on the floor instead. That is, until someone comes barrelling into me, almost knocking me over. It takes me a moment to realise it's Eliza, and a second longer to realise she's crying. I wrap my arms tightly around her.

"Eliza, hey, what happened?" I say, gently running a hand through her hair. She only sobs harder. I lead her into a small alcove, away from the chaos of the hallways. "Hey, hey, hey," I say, keeping my voice soft. "I need you to breathe. Okay? Can you breathe with me? Alright, in." I take a deep breath in, holding it for a few seconds. "And out." I let it out gently. She follows along with me, her sobs slowing to silent tears falling down her face. "Good, well done. Can you tell me what happened?"

"Alex- he-" she pauses, hiccupping slightly, "he broke up with me." My breath hitches. He did it. He actually did it. I didn't expect her to be quite this torn up. A small part of me regrets telling Alex to break up with her, but I know it's for the best. She would only get hurt more in the long run if I let him keep leading her on.

"Shit, Eliza, I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"He- he told me that it was nothing that I've done and that he was sorry, but he was in love with somebody else. I- I kind of guessed after the potions class, but it still hurts, y'know?" She pulls away, her eyes glimmering with tears, searching mine.

"I know." I pause for a moment, thinking, then. "Laf is staying with Herc in the Hufflepuff dorm tonight, how about you come over to my dorm and we eat ice-cream and watch sad movies together?" She laughs wetly.

"That- that actually sounds nice. Are you sure?"

"100%. I think I have some booze somewhere up there too so we can get hammered."

"Normally I'd be pretty against that but it actually sounds pretty good right about now." I grin, and she smiles back softly.

"Do you want to come up now?"

"I'll just go and grab my stuff from my dorm, you go ahead."

"I'll see you soon." She disappears down the hall and I make my up to the Gryffindor dorm.

I pull the blankets from all the beds but mine and throw them onto my bed, making a sort of nest. A nest of comfort, yes that sounds good. I open the bottom drawer next to my bed, quickly brushing the needles out of the way to find the vodka hidden at the very back. I set the bottle on top of the chest of drawers, but I don't close the drawer. My hand hovers over an unopened needle, trembling slightly. My fingers twitch, and I snatch I up, bringing it into the bathroom with me. I lock the door behind me, ripping the needle out of the packaging and holding it up to the light. Not too much, that's what I've always promised myself. I mean, I'm letting everyone down enough just by using, the least I can do is try to be safe. I pull up my sleeve, pulling my belt from my trousers and wrapping it tightly around my bicep. Flexing my bicep, I press the needle into my skin with a shaking hand, pressing down slowly on the plunger. My face stretches into a blissed-out smile as the heroin enters my bloodstream, and I close my eyes against the bright, harsh lights of the bathroom.